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Thread: Should or Should not.

  1. #1
    essexbird is offline Junior Member
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    Default Should or Should not.

    Hi Everyone.

    I'am new to this site so please bare with me so i can explain my situation. I'am single mum with two children 13 and 10 with a large mortgage working as a paramedic in london with also a second job that keeps me spending time with my children. My sister moved to nz 2yrs ago and has been back this month to attend our mothers furneral. She wants me to move over with her i want to go and so do the children. Question is do i sell up and go over on a 6mth work permit rent and buy later? My brother in law is like a father to my son. I have informed their father my intentions and touch wood has excepted it. Please help i can not afford this to fail Am i pinning my luck to much or should i take the bull by the horns.

  2. #2
    Duke's Avatar
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    How do you British people become so brave in your lives?...

  3. #3
    Dawn's Avatar
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    Hi there, this isn't going to come as a surprise to any of these guys on here who all know me so well..........TAKE THE BULL BY THE HORNS GIRL!!!!!!!

    The ONLY people I have known here to immediately get jobs and keep them are medical staff. You're a dead cert as long as you have all the relevant quals. Some hospitals in some areas are so desparate for certain staff, that they're even paying to get people over here.

    You mentioned before that you're mum has recently passed away, if she's anything like my mum, she'll be looking down on you now saying, 'Do it, do it, do it!' Life is for living, not for sitting in a nice comfy box watching the world go by. You can live life on the merry-go-round, going round in circles, seeing the same old, same old every day, at a pace where you can comfortably see everything coming from a distance. Or you can jump on the biggest, bendiest, dippiest, craziest roller coaster and have the exhileration of never knowing what's coming next and peeing your pants and laughing your head off at the same time!! The people that really live life are those who accept responsibility for their own choices, take risks and are prepared to learn from the consequences.

    Lots of other forumites, vair responsibly, (and good for them too) will post very sensible answers to your post and tell you to think carefully and have back up plans etc etc, and you should listen to all of that too. Not everyone can jump in with both feet before they've dipped their toe in the water, but it's fun having a go! What's the worst that can happen? If it all comes down to money, no problem! You'll always find your way, people will help you out, you'll get by. Sometimes I think that we worry so much about what MIGHT happen that we scare ourselves into thinking that it will happen. Up until now, right this second, your life is what you have made it. You are living the life you have made for yourself even if you don't realise it. Take control, have the life you want, make it happen, deal with it one step at a time, sometimes the right choices are the ones that seem the hardest, and there's a message in there somewhere! It all comes down to you

    Somewhere, inside you, you already know what to do, but it's human nature to seek reassurance. Rely on your own gut feeling, that way you only have yourself to answer to. You know you're strong enough to do whatever you need to do. If you can dream it, you can achieve it

    It's only life and every day is yours to do with as you please. Let this freedom empower and inspire you to walk forwards (or skip if you like, that's what I usually do, singing, but only when I'm taking it easy! )

    On your marks, get set, GO!!
    Passionate about the unfathomableness opportunities of kiwi-a-gogo-land

  4. #4
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    Welshgirl is offline Super Moderator
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    Now if that's not an inspiring post, I don't know what is!

    Welcome to the forum anyway, essexbird - anything I say now will pale in comparison to Dawn's post, but I happen to agree with her - I say go for it

    You have your sister's support, children who want to come, a skill NZ needs, and a dream - what more do you need!

    Vote no.2 for taking the bull by the horns

  5. #5
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    And another vote from me,

    If you don't go for it you will always wonder what if?
    What have you got to lose that you couldn't get back if things didn't work out.
    You have half the battle over with in the fact that you have family over here adn that your kids want to come too.
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    essexbird is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks Girls.

    I really need to here those words, But having two children and being single would i be able too obtain a mortgage i'am hoping to come out with appx 180,000 dollars. If i sell up here i cant see me being able to obtain a mortgage back here if things don't turnout for me. Thats why i have tobe so sure.

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    Dawn's Avatar
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    Hi again!!! We came out with less than that and we are a family of 5! A wee 3 bedroom house for the three of you (and a wee house here isn't like a wee house in London) it'll be detached with a garden, shouldn't set you back more than $250000. You've got plenty to set yourself up with a cruisy mortgage. All this is true for Hamilton, I can't remember where you said you were headed.
    Or rent for a wee while. You'll get a nice 3 bdrm place for $300 a week, stash your cash and earn some good interest. Either way you've got plenty! Your kids might not have as much 'stuff' - so what? You may not be able to eat out twice a week - so what? You might not be able to drive a brand new car - so what? You might not be able to holiday in Fiji - so what? None of that stuff will make you happy if you're not already happy before you get it. Work out what's important to you.

    I might add that we have never had any money. We have always lived on a shoestring so living on what we have has always been the way it is. Not having money in the bank doesn't worry us because we've never had it. I know that for a lot of other people it is a great concern - money = security. I can get that, I understand, and there have been many times I have said, 'If I only had the cash', but I never have had that security, never had that accumulation of even just a few thousand pounds and so, I've had to make my way.

    Listen, I am living proof that you can have nothing and have everything because it depends what you term as nothing and what you term as everything. It's subjective. To me, that everything doesn't include wads of cash. I am about to start a new business. I've just taken on a 4 year lease and fitted out a community dance and fitness studio with nothing in the bank. The money has come from somewhere as and when I've needed it. Now, it needs to work from day one, I can't afford for it not to. If it doesn't work, I'm stuck with a 4 year lease, worth $120,000 that I am responsible for paying. I haven't got that kind of money, not even if I sell everything I own. I don't own property. I've got no back up. Most people would say I am a crazy, irresponsible, stupid fool and I deserve all the trouble that's coming to me. I say, bring it on. I say, I am following my bliss, my life's path. I have to try this because I know it's what I have to do and if I don't try it, I'll feel like I cheated, like I didn't step up to the mark when my name ws called. I'll deal with what I have to deal with day by day. All I have to do is meet demands day by day. I have to live in the now, in the present moment, and give every moment everything I have. Doing this will ensure the next moment and the next and the next. The next becomes the future and the future is here and now. Worrying about the future, takes your focus and energy from the present moment and it's in that very moment that the future lies.

    Money has it's advantages and it has it's constraints. Don't let yourself see money as the be all and end all. Don't let the lack of it stop you from trying. Don't let it stop you from believing. I wonder how many people never follow their dream because they don't have the money. And I wonder how many rich people, with more money than they'll ever need, sit and rub their hands together with glee at that thought. Because money is power and not having 'enough' makes us powerless. Or does it? It's always easier to blame someone or something else for us not having what we think we deserve. Not having money will hold you back if you let it. I, for one, will not.

    Stop worrying and start acting and you'll see how things fall into place. Be grateful for what you already have, live ethically and always give as much as you receive and you will find abundance.
    Passionate about the unfathomableness opportunities of kiwi-a-gogo-land

  8. #8
    essexbird is offline Junior Member
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    Default Dont Worry Be Happy.

    Thanks Dawn.



    But as mother yourself you can understand my fears. My biggest is that i let my children leave their dad here with his new family, Sell thier home and it all falls apart for me. Would i be able to obtain a mortgage on only one income?

    The move for me is for everything you mention i have two jobs here, spend nights away from my kids, I.ll be 50 next yr i need this move for my health and so spend time with them. I've done the money thing I'am tired off it and so is my body.

  9. #9
    Dawn's Avatar
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    I do understand and probably more than you realise. My kids left their dad and his new family in the UK as well. They miss him but not in such a way that would threaten their stability here. You could easily afford a mortgage on a small house with the money you have as a single wage earner. We have lived on one wage since we got here really, and so do many others on this forum.

    No one can tell you what to do. If you keep looking for excuses you'll find them This is not the easy way out for you. It's a difficult decision, it's the bumpier road, but that's what life is. The right way is seldom the easiest. We all have choices to make and it's up to us to decide which path to walk. Nobody is responsible for the steps we take, nobody else can walk them for us. You have to decide what to do. There'll be plenty of other options presented to you along the way. But you have to set things in motion first and it has to be what you want
    Passionate about the unfathomableness opportunities of kiwi-a-gogo-land

  10. #10
    essexbird is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks Dawn.


    Made the first move today had house valued its about 15,000 less then i had expected prices have fallen here quite badly last 12 months. But still moving forward.

    I'am hoping to move close too my sister she's on the north island place called Tampa Heights house prices are high around her but i she,s thinking of selling also, She agrees with you about maybe renting for a while.

    How did your xpartner take it once you told him about your plans? I've told mine he justed laughed dont think believes I'll go. Does your x pay any mantenence, not such how things stand regarding that.

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