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Thread: Feeling wobbly

  1. #1
    kiwitastic is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008

    Unhappy Feeling wobbly


    I'm feeling a bit wobbly about this huge decision my boyfriend and I have made. We'd looked at everything in detail, all pros and cons, spider diagrams all over the place and decided NZ was the best way forward for us to be together and to be happy (long story behind this). Felt optimistic and happy with this decision once it was made.

    But telling my family has resulted in a lot of upset. Everyone was angry with me for leaving the UK. It's also made me realise how much I'll miss them, my friends and the life I have here in the UK. We had to make the bold move 2 weeks ago and resign from four-year training contracts here in order to commit completely to NZ and it is difficult to get one of those jobs again. So it feels there is no going back which usually I feel is the best position to be in to make a success of NZ. But today I'm feeling very wobbly and worrying if I've made a really silly mistake. If we stay here it is likely my boyfriend and I will continue to live apart (2 years now cos of jobs) with unpredictable chances of that being remedied. But NZ is so far away from everyone else!

    Positive messages about the benefits of NZ needed aplenty! I'm sure this is just a blip in the early stages. We've got ten months to go before we move. Many thanks.

  2. #2
    trimprover is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008


    I guess it all depends on how strong your relationship is w/ your boyfriend. If you plan on living w/ him for the rest of your life, then he really represents your new/current family. Any objections from your "old" family shouldn't carry much nearly as much weight as how you feel, and how your boyfriend feels. You're an adult, you're no longer a kid. You can make decisions for yourself now. Your old family will have to learn to either accept your choices, or zip it.

    Have you moved long distances before? For example, have you ever lived outside the UK, for a long period of time? If not, then I guess I can understand why this is a scary moment.

    All I can say is to not take things so seriously. Moving to another country is not that big a deal, once you've got the logistics ironed out. Once you get get there, you will establish routines relatively quickly, and things won't seem weird anymore.

    My suggestion is that you focus on strategies and action items rather than emotional issues, and that you try to make the move as logistically smooth as possible, and start tying up loose ends at home. The preparation process will take a bit of time, and will keep your mind happily focused on accomplishing things.

    Meanwhile, your family and friends will gradually get used to your plan, and will probably split into 2 groups: those who love and support you no matter how "crazy" your ideas, and those who don't. You can stop interacting with the latter group, since they are "family" or "friends" in name only, not spirit, and probably aren't worth your time.

  3. #3
    Welshgirl's Avatar
    Welshgirl is offline Super Moderator
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Hamilton, New Zealand
    Blog Entries


    Fantastic post trimprover

    kiwitastic - stay strong and positive and avoid those who only provide negativity about your upcoming adventure. YOU are who matters (and your b/f obviously ) - those who lay the guilt trip on you about going are either envious or selfish - it should be enough for a family who love and care for you to know that you are realising your dreams and being active about making them happen.

    I completely understand your family will miss you and don't want you to go - I've had it myself and still get digs about going back to the UK after 4 years in NZ - but don't succumb to the pressure. Instead, stay positive in front of them - show them all the different methods they will have of keeping in contact with you, tell them about the wonderful things you will experience here, explain why you want to move here and most of all reassure them that you still love them and expect to have them visit you as soon as possible

    To quote a famous motto, 'Just Do It'

  4. #4
    kiwitastic is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008

    Default thank you!

    I absolutely love this site. It's so great for boosting you when you're feeling wobbly. I'm taking your advice and speaking with positive people who fully support our decison (and are very excited about it!). I've got months ahead to work through everything with my family. Before the big adventure.

    Big thumbs up for this website, it is keeping me sane!!

  5. #5
    kiwitastic is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008


    And thanks to you guys for your kind responses too!

  6. #6
    Vile's Avatar
    Vile is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    2015: Auckland!


    And another 'Just Do It'!

    Remember, it's a lot easier coming back than always thinking what might have been ...
    shorter of breath, and one day closer to death

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