Guilty Feelings...

[bstar]

Well, it is now two weeks until I depart for the land of the long white cloud (from the land of the long grey cloud it seems!) and I have quite a few mixed feelings, and I wanted to see if anyone else has had this??
I am now feeling dreadful for leaving my family (parents, sisters, nieces and nephews) behind...panic is setting in about being so far away if anything (touch wood) happens, and also getting home sick. I have my beloved OH in NZ, and quite a few friends...but now worried that it is going to be harder on the heart strings than originally anticipated.....don't know if the stress of the move is making me feel like this, or this is normal....or I am going soft in my old age!!! Any experienced this....and please tell me it gets better!!!!

[Glenda]

Yes, there can be a lot of sad and guilty thoughts running through most of our minds when immigrating. Thankfully, it soon goes away ... until the next time.

All I can say is that you will miss some members of the family ... but you won't miss certain others! Try not to worry about leaving them - it may hurt a bit but they are all quite probably capable of getting on with life without you being there! Life goes on normally for them, even though you yourself are going through a big change.

The biggest guilt I felt is leaving my parents and if they should get sick ... maybe I may not even see them again. Then again, most pensioners are a sturdy and independent lot, my parents included, and we speak/email more often now than we did before.

Am hoping that by the time you read this you are feeling much more positive.

[MotherBear]

Hi Bstar,

There's nothing abnormal about these feelings and they are experienced in all sorts of life situations, even getting married, where one is often leaving the security of the family home behind and venturing out into the unknown. I think it's quite rare for folks to set out on such a big life-changing journey as you are undertaking without some emotional upheaval and doubts. The best way to help overcome the panic might be to put in place various security nets whereby you can communicate and keep in touch, in the best way possible, with your family back home.

It's been said on here before, a PC, webcam and microphone go a long way towards easing the pain of separation. It may not seem anything like as comforting as being able to pop round to see someone in person, but does help a lot when you can relate to them in real time. I often curse the Internet and its dodgy connections, but it really does do the trick for many people in cases like this. You may well find that you can communicate with family members a lot more over the Net because they don't have to leave their homes to do it and you don't even have to make them a cup of coffee or tea . If you then find they still don't make the effort, really, they wouldn't be worth the sacrifice you'd make if you'd decided to stay in the UK.

Emigrating from your home country can be quite a levelling experience and it's a great test of who should remain important in your life. Some will stick by you and keep in touch, but others may not. You find out who are the sincere ones and who are the ones that can carry on regardless without you being around. Wouldn't it be a shame to give up your plans, only to find out that certain people weren't worth it after all? If they really care then they'll keep closely in touch with you wherever you are in the world.

As for worrying about 'if something goes wrong' and you find you have to go back quickly, the best way around this is to make sure you have enough money put away for an emergency plane ticket. This sort of thing rarely happens, but, as we all know, in the worst case scenario, it can. As the odds are that it won't happen, again, it would be a pity to cancel your plans 'just in case'. 10 years on and maybe nothing has happened and you'd be kicking yourself for not having gone.

There's no getting away from the fact that it'll hurt, leaving everyone behind, if you have family and friends you are very close to. However, you have a lot to look forward to ahead of you and you need to concentrate on that. As they say 'You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs'. Many people naturally suffer from homesickness in the beginning but, as they settle into their new lives and form new and good relationships, it starts to fade. For a few, though, it sadly never fades and they feel they need to return home. It's best to recognise homesickness for what it is and take time to ride it through in the hope that you'll come out the other end having battled the storm and finally feeling 'at home' in NZ. There's no golden promise that you will overcome missing your family, but you won't know this until you try. Many others have done it before you and have come to thank their lucky stars that they did take that big step forward.

My advice, before you leave, would be to put as much in place as you can regarding keeping in touch with people. Maybe some would like to think of visiting you once you're settled or you can fix a time when you'd be able to return there for a visit. It'll give you something to look forward to and cling to while you're undergoing the 'grieving' process. Good luck and fingerscrossed all will be well in your new life. You've got a good start anyway with OH and friends already in NZ, so go for it! This is your big chance. No pain, no gain.

[ebianca]

Wow MB- ever though of being a counsoler (however you spell it).

As for the missing family- I don't have a very close family- we get on but not all hugs and kisses etc. At the moment I think I will be OK with homesickness as regards to missing family but i'm sure when we actually comes to leaving thjings will be different.

We will be seting up webcams and mailing lists and set up myspace/facebook accounts to keep people informed of what we are up to.
With the OH being in IT we will also probably set up our own website with photos and videos and diary like entries. I know a website isn't an option for most people but it isn't expensive to buy a webcam and that way you can still see each other.
My dad also knows someone (an old work friend) that moved to NZ and they send out monthly newletters via email to all their friends and family.

[MotherBear]

Originally Posted by ebianca

Wow MB- ever though of being a counsoler (however you spell it).

I bet at least half the folks were thinking 'Oh gawd, here she goes again'.

Good idea there Beth re the blog-type websites. Helps to keep everyone back home in touch with what's going on and helps them to feel part of your lives. It also will probably help the blog author by putting together interesting info and photos to be shared by all. Gives everyone something to look forward to.

[bstar]

These are great ideas....and also great words of support...thank you! it really helps!! And good to know that others are in the same boat....

and you are right...I am in a better frame of mind today....I am staying with my parents at the moment, and had organised some air freight of a box....I left it by the other 4 boxes that were to be sea shipped. Unfortunately I was out when the collector came...my father kindly gave them ALL the boxes, and has resulted in costing me a small fortune!!!!!! I was very close to throttling him....so the guilt feelings were replaced by, how do I put this....irritation?!!

You have to laugh!!

[MotherBear]

Quick note to Shell. I've moved your post to Anxiety as it seems to fit in there very nicely.

It's Bstar's thread again but she's asking about other people's worries and concerns so it seemed appropriate to put your post in there. Hope that's OK. If you'd rather have your own thread, just holler and I'll sort it for you.