Banjo Jon - have you done the deed???

[Maggiemoo]

....so have you told the MIL yet? If so how did she take it?

Can't wait to catch up soon - Ken and I are gradually sorting out all the boxes that arrived last week and are realising just how much we brought back with us that we don't actually really need, so if you are in the market for a vegetable steamer with a NZ plug, a stereo with a NZ plug, 4-6 way adaptor thingies, maps, guidebooks etc etc etc, you know where to come!!!!

Good luck maties,

Maggie and the troops x

[Glenda]

I was wondering this too ... you are in our thoughts!

Good luck if you haven't told her yet.

[Welshgirl]

Perhaps we should start a voting poll - if Banjo Jon hasn't told her yet, should he: a) not tell her and just leave the country and phone her once a week, pretending they are still in the UK and talk about the weather, b) tell her, then run away immediately, c) throw a 'leaving party' and make the MIL the Special Guest - she can't hit him in public, or d) ply her with alcohol and get her to sign a statement saying he told her and she is cool with the idea and she wishes them all the luck in the world.

I know which one I'd pick, but fortunately my MIL a) is very nice and b) lives in the Middle East

[Taffy]

Never mind talking about it, lets have a full video clip of you singing that song you wrote!!

Now that would be entertaining

[MotherBear]

Poor Jon, the world is watching and waiting.

[zummerzet_lou]

sorry guys ... I bottled it yesterday.

Started chatting to her about Jon and my future, and she said "Well you're thinking of moving away after going on and on at me to move down here". I didn't, in fact tried to persuade her NOT to get a house here, as prices are soo astronomical. Needless to say,I decided not to turn around and add "we've decided on New Zealand"

Parents eh?

Lou

[Banjo.Jon]

Lucy dropped the whole idea into conversation yesterday while she was round her house and just got a lot of comments about how could we consider doing that after making her move near to us a few years ago (believe me, we certainly did want her to move near to us). We are not sure how to move on from this as we know it will be the end of our wonderful relationship!! Which does not bother me, but obviously she is still Lu's Mum, and it is hard to except that she may never see her again.

We shall see what happens but I think we will end up telling her only when we really really have to. Which seems daft and is only delaying what will all know will happen. It's down to Lu really, if it was down to me, it would have been done a long time ago (with a big smile, a pint of beer, and maybe a dance around with the banjo while singing my song )

[MotherBear]

No apologies needed, Lou. No one can say it's an easy thing to do. Unless you can take a deep breath (very deep in your case) and summon up the courage to spit it all out in the oner, you'll be forever teetering on the brink of telling her, but never getting round to it.. I think I'd have put her straight when she stated that you'd encouraged her to move nearer you.

Perhaps you need to mentally prepare yourselves that you are convinced you're doing the right thing and just go for it. Whether she's hurt today, tomorrow or next week, it's never going to get any easier. The longer you put it off, I guess the less time you have to listen to her harping on about it before you actually go. But, then you have the anxiety continually hanging over you and marring what should be an exciting and thrilling adventure.

I lived in fear of my mother, too, but somehow managed to finally find my voice and came to terms with putting my own opinions forward instead of living in the shadow of hers. It's a great feeling when you find you're on an equal footing at last. Makes you feel all grown up.

Have you told other people i.e. people who may tell others who may, in the end, talk to your mum about it, thinking she already knows? Perhaps it would be better to grab the bull by the horns and blurt it out to her before someone else does the job for you. Doubt she'd be very pleased hearing it from a third party and being made to look like she's the last one to find out.

I really feel for you, but the only way forward is to face it and get it out of the way. You can all set about trying to deal with it then. Are there any carrots you can dangle in front of her, like visits to see you (or is that tempting fate)?

[MotherBear]

I know - if she's got the Internet, while you're visiting one time, surreptitiously log into the forum (don't let her view it for goodness sake!) and tune into the radio. Arrange with Taffy to play a dedication and he can break the news to her that way on one of his 'live' shows where he speaks. You could be off down the road before it comes on with time to grab your tin helmets and riot shields.

Just bear in mind that she's using emotional blackmail, which isn't very nice.

[Banjo.Jon]

Heres an idea. Get some MoveToNZ T-shirts done, with the web address on and our forum nicknames on the back. Then we could wear them round her house one day and see if she gets the hint!