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Thread: Are we crazy?

  1. #1
    emma67 is offline Junior Member
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    Default Are we crazy?

    I am unusual person on this website in that I was born in NZ, and so was my husband. No immigration issues whatsover! The difficulty really is in making the decision.

    I left Wellington when I was 22 (am now 42) without a backward glance, as you do when you're young! I came to Melbourne, Australia.

    When I was 36 I met the man of my dreams who of course was from Auckland. At that time I'd have happily moved back to NZ as I had no family in Melbourne (now my sister is here) and my mother was terminally ill, so I'd have loved to come back, but I was still finishing my thesis so couldn't move. So he came over to Aus and now we have a gorgeous son who's 3 and a half.

    We have talked on and off about moving back to NZ for about two years now and finally decided not to, and bought a house in a small country town just outside of Melbourne. We had only been in the new place for 3 months when my father-in-law had a series of small strokes, and now my husband is talking about us going back for 12 months to be with him and let him be with his grandson.

    Realistically I know it could be a permanent move if we did it. He can't decide what the right thing to do is, and I can't either as we are settled here, earn far more than we ever would in NZ, my sister and her family are here, but you know NZ is always home for me, I've never settled into Australia like it's mine.

    So that's our story, confusion reigns in our household about what to do. So here I am on this website looking for some stories I guess, that will help with the decision-making process.

    It's nice to meet you all and wish everyone good luck as the immigration process looks like it's hugely stressful, so good on you all for chasing your dreams.

    Emma.
    Last edited by emma67; 13-03-2010 at 05:07 PM.

  2. #2
    macfod's Avatar
    macfod is offline Oh Masterful One
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    Default home sweet home-or is it!

    Hi Emma
    A difficult question to answer and I sure most will say its very much your decision.
    In my case leaving the UK has never been an issue ( apart from my girls who stayed there).
    I havnt been homesick but many have!

    Melbourne is a great city and I am sure you would miss things.

    It going to be a plus and minus issue for you really and of course what your other half thinks.

    It was easy for us to choose from UK to NZ, but many Kiwi's have moved to OZ with various reasons $$$$.

    Just remember what ever you do, nothing is forever!
    good luck

    Mark

  3. #3
    MotherBear's Avatar
    MotherBear is offline The missing link
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    Default

    Hi Emma and welcome.

    A difficult decision indeed and I wonder if I can detect some reluctance in your post to move back to NZ. It could be that your husband is the keener of the two of you to move, which may cause resentment later on if things turn out to be less than ideal either for you if you have to move or for your husband if you decide not to move. Therefore, you really need to get it right for both of you.

    Looking outside the box and without knowing your father-in-law's full situation, I don't suppose there is any chance that he could move to Melbourne where you can keep an eye on him and also give him good access to his grandson? This could either be part time, shared between Oz and NZ, or full time in Oz with you. This is assuming he is fit to travel, of course.

    Just a thought, but perhaps you've already looked into this.
    Mother Bear

    Try to bloom wherever you are planted.

  4. #4
    emma67 is offline Junior Member
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    Default Are we crazy?

    Thank you both of you for your replies. I know that in the end it's a decision only we can make but it's really helping to see what other people are saying about moving, and about life in NZ which I haven't known for 20 years other than my regular visits back.

    Mother Bear we probably wouldn't look at moving Richard's dad as he has quite a lot of anxiety these days. He lives in a lovely retirement village and the only question is whether he will need something with higher support. Richard's sister lives right around the corner and she and her daughter do an amazing job of looking after him and Richard would love to take some of the pressure off her.

    One of the issues I probably do have in common with others here is how you know whether you have this idealised view of what life in NZ would be like. Also the actual logistics of moving, especially when life is operating quite smoothly which is always a good thing to have managed being a working mum! Life gets like a jigsaw puzzle and at the moment the pieces fit.

    I would love to move back, I think both of us are in two minds as part of us wants to and part doesn't want to disrupt a life that is working quite smoothly. But NZ is always in my heart and I would love to give it a go in many ways - if I could just be beamed there with all my stuff, a new job and a childcare place sorted out!!

    Thanks again for your replies, I think cruising around the discussions will be really helpful.

    Emma.

  5. #5
    Taffy's Avatar
    Taffy is offline He who shall be ignored
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    Hi Emma,

    From my experience, people who leave a happy life usually return to it. People who've moved from an otherwise happy life in the UK to NZ thinking that life will be the same have gone home. On the flip side, people who've moved to NZ and love it who've returned for family reasons, often regret their return. You'd have the advantage of being Kiwi and knowing roughly what life is like, but I think after 20 years you'll find NZ to be a very different country.

    Personally, and some people would think this selfish, but I'd put myself and my family first. I couldn't leave a happy life to be somewhere I didn't want to be as it would soon turn in to resentment.

    So, my advice, think about whats best for you and your immediate family. NZ is only a hop away from Australia if you need to get back quickly (not like us folk who have a 30 odd hour trip home!). If you feel you will be happy in NZ, then come home, else, stay where you are!
    Taffy

    The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

  6. #6
    emma67 is offline Junior Member
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    Default Are we crazy?

    Thanks for your honesty Taffy. I completely get what you're saying. We've decided to let some of the emotion die down and see how we go with some regular visits. I'm often a very 'all or nothing' person so I think it's good for me to just put it on hold for a while but being able to keep our options open if we change our minds. Thanks again, Emma.

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