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Thread: Homesickness ..........

  1. #1
    nickydwuk's Avatar
    nickydwuk is offline God like figure
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    Default Homesickness ..........

    As part of my research before we made the big move I read a lot of posts from members who had made the move and who were experiencing home sickness and missing family & friends. I knew this would be a problem for OH as he is close to his parents and for my DD as she was in a relatively new relationship. I am not close to my family so knew it wouldn’t be problem for me. After a few weeks here in NZ DD had the wobbles as she missed her BF but has now settled a bit thanks to her involvement with church and guides. Youngest son has just started school has enjoyed sports lessons for the first time ever!!! My older son found love again within weeks and thinks that ‘NZ rocks!!’
    As expected OH is finding it difficult – he is not yet working and we have not got our container yet so he has nothing to do during the day except think about what he had in the UK and what he hasn’t got here. When the container arrives he will have his gardening tools so can potter in the garden until he gets a job. He misses his family a lot and his mates at work along with lots of other familiar things. What I was not expecting was how I would feel. I started work 2 weeks after we arrived and I thought this would help me settle – I would be mixing with Kiwi’s and meeting people. How wrong I was. This homesickness lark had hit me like a lead balloon. I am in tears most days – especially when I am driving to work as I am alone in the car for 45 minutes. I miss the UK immensely. Not my family – I know that sounds callous – I miss them but not to the point that I desperately want to see them. What I do miss is the way of life – I had a wonderful job that I had waited years to get, we both had a reasonable income with a mortgage that had about 8 years to run. We had some spare cash to go for a meal if we felt like it, we had friends around us, and we knew where to go for things. If I wanted to go shopping for clothes, shoes etc… I went to the main shopping centre and could get almost anything there instead of numerous smaller malls. I knew where to go for other bits. I miss reading the daily paper and catching up on all the national and international news. The paper we get here is the local paper which is bigger than the Times was and not possible to read whilst eating breakfast, also it doesn’t have much national or international news.
    I am not knocking NZ, far from it– it is a lovely place and as I said my youngest is enjoying school for the first time in his life which is a bonus. The scenery is wonderful, the people I have met have all been great. The work is not as pressured as it was in the UK and the staff I work with are all friendly and supportive. Our house is what we dreamed it would be as is Oxford. But it is not home. I never realised what I had until I lost it and now I want it back . I realise it is early days and when our container arrives with all our familiar things then maybe we will find it easier. If not then I think we will look at possibly moving back next May/June time. But until then we will give it a b****y good go.
    Nursing Registration sent 5th August 2007
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  2. #2
    zummerzet_lou's Avatar
    zummerzet_lou is offline your flexible friend
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    Oh Nicky, I couldn't read your post and not reply.

    It's a huge thing you've done, and at the moment everything is in limbo whilst you await your stuff. Be prepared, having your container arrive will probably make you more homesick. I've not suffered too much yet, but as I unwarpped every item, I found myself reminising about where it had been bought, where in my old house it had been etc ...

    Good news about your daughter and your son. Have you and OH managed to make any friends yet? I'm sure this is what has helped Jon and myself - we have made some really good friends already.

    You know you are always welcome at ours ... just give me holler, and I'll get the kettle on (or stick some wine and beer in the fridge).

    All the best,

    Lou
    EOI Submitted 8th July 2007, 140 points no job offer.
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  3. #3
    ebianca's Avatar
    ebianca is offline Gingery, Peppery & Spicy
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    Oh Nicky.

    It was always going to be a difficult move- espechially for Adrian who was unsure of the whole move in the first place. The move I don't imagine is easy for anyone. It's great that the kids seem to be fitting in well but I guess the motive behind the move was for everyone to be happy which obviously isn't the case at the moment.

    You have only been here a short time and it will take quite some time to build up what you left behind. You spent many years building up your circle of friends and lifestyle in the UK- it won't happen here over night.

    We told ourselves that we had to give it at least 12 months but I guess everyone has a different idea of what is giving it a good go.

    It makes a difference making friends early on- not sure how well we would have settled if we hadn't met up with Jim (Hatter5) and his lovely family or if we had met and not got on. They have been a great help in helping us feel settled here.

    Are there any local groups etc Adrian could join to try and make some friends of his own?

    Theres no saying that New Zealand will be your paradise but you have to decide what things you are willing to work at, what things you are willing to let go etc.

    I really hope things come good in the end but I know whatever you decide will be the best for you and the family but at least you are giving at a go.

    We are here if you need to chat and get things of your chest.

    Beth
    xx
    Flights booked for 24th March 2008!
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    MotherBear's Avatar
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    Nicky, what you have told us is perfectly normal. Sounds a bit like you're suffering from after-shock and culture shock rolled into one. You have all undergone a very dramatic change in your lives and this doesn't often come without a cost. When you talk about things you are missing from the UK, these things didn't happen overnight. They've taken a whole lifetime to build up and get to where they were when you left the UK. It goes without saying that, to get to a similar position in NZ, you would have to spend quite a bit of time there. It's all still very new and raw to you. Some folks can cope with it because they look on it as a big adventure and they thrive on new experiences. It comes down to personalities, too. Some are quite happy to move forward and try new things without ever looking back, but others tend to look back and dwell on things that have been instead of forwards to what is yet to come.

    The big question is 'Are you prepared to put the past behind you and move forward into a new future?' Let go of the past and remind yourself that there was a very valid reason why you wanted to leave the UK in the first place. It takes a lot of time and effort, but each week should see you, at least, being able to find your way around more easily. Could you ask your work colleagues where the best places are to get things, to save you all the research? By interacting more with them, it could ultimately bring you closer together. It's good that you aren't thinking about rushing back to the UK and are going to give it some time because things could change dramatically once you make friends and your environment becomes more familiar to you, which it is bound to do in time. Imagine us having to do it every few years and that is in countries where English isn't the first language.

    You may not always find the old familiar comforts of home in NZ but, if you look hard enough, you may find other things to replace them or even surpass them. Although you have made a decision to wait it out until next May/June, don't dwell on this or it will become fact rather than just a possibility if things don't work out. At least 2 of your family are delighting in their new lives, so it can't be that bad. Take comfort that they are happy and perhaps their happiness will ultimately infect you. As you say, give it your best shot as that's all you can do and you won't have given up without a fight. Have a good cry if you want one as it's cleansing but, when it's done, have a look at the good things around you and keep them close to you in the hope that you can build on that as time passes. It will get better. Hugs to Adrian and I hope he will soon be pottering around the garden, putting his stamp on it and making it his own. Then send him up to Hamilton to knock ours into shape.

    Good luck to you all.
    Mother Bear

    Try to bloom wherever you are planted.

  5. #5
    selchie's Avatar
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    I agree that you shouldn't start planning a return after being in NZ for just a couple of months. Being open to it is fine, but don't dwell on it.

    After we moved 4 1/2 hours up the coast from our old lives, I would drive down about once a month to visit someone or go shopping in familiar stores. It took a couple of years to find some good friends here and stop relying on the old life. It probably would have taken less time if I had gotten involved in more activities & groups early on.

    Unfortunately you don't have the luxury of gradually weaning yourself, so the pain of separation is acute right now. I think it will lessen, especially when the container arrives and you can really start settling in. Lots of hugs from me.

    Hasn't Adrian found the local Macho Mochaccino Men's group yet?
    If men had wings and bore black feathers, few of them would be clever enough to be crows.
    - Rev. Henry Ward Beecher, mid-1800s

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    Hi Nicky, I'm sorry that the homesickness has hit you, I really feel for you. Even if you do end up going back next year just remember that you had a dream and unlike most people you've actually done something about achieving it, you got out and experienced a different country and had an adventure that you'll always remember. And if you decide to stay in NZ then you've managed to follow your dreams and hopefully had them fulfilled. Don't ever doubt that you've done the right thing by coming out here, if you hadn't of come here you would have always wondered what it would have been like and can just chalk it up to life experience if you go back.

    That's probably not very constructive but I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you.

    Cheers
    Gina
    26 January 2008 - House under offer, we're getting closer
    Feb 08 - our sale has fallen through
    19 March 08 - accepted another offer on the house
    Booked tickets, will arrive in NZ 4 July 2008
    Currently enjoying the 'weather bomb' in Northland July 08
    Anticipating a move to Auckland in the next few weeks - November 08

  7. #7
    zummerzet_lou's Avatar
    zummerzet_lou is offline your flexible friend
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    Hey Nicky .. where are you? Hope you've not abandoned us?

    Hope you are OK ... I'm sure some of what you are feeling is the anti-climax of emigrating. For months you've had all these plans and dreams, and now it's finally happened, there's nothing else to do?

    Have you heard from NZ Van lines yet with a date for your container? Having something to "organise" might help take your mind off the UK.

    All the best, am thinking of you,
    Lou
    EOI Submitted 8th July 2007, 140 points no job offer.
    EOI Selected 18th July 2007
    ITA pack received 12th Oct 2007
    Completed ITA posted to NZIS 26th November 2007
    Case Officer assigned approx 22nd Feb 2008
    Immigration interview 7th May 2008
    PR AIP 10th May 2008
    Arrived in NZ, August 13th

    Check out our website -> http://the-clarks.freehostia.com/

  8. #8
    Spudster is offline Junior Member
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    Default Homesick? But experiencing your dream.......

    Dear Nicky,

    I'm new to the forum and I've spent the last couple of days browsing around looking at all the great information and threads.

    A number of the conversations I've read involve you....getting excited and anticipating your move.Then I found this one and I felt surprise and sympathy.

    Maybe if you take a look back at your posts it will remind you of why you embarked on this exctiing experience and how much you have achieved in getting close to your dream.

    Believe me - the rest of us sitting here in our miserable english winter would love to be in your place!

    Good luck with it all

    Spudster
    x

  9. #9
    rockclimber's Avatar
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    sound's like you're having a tough time, at least you have made the move and have lived your dream. I guess most would feel as you do considering the upheaval and so forth and would think by your deadline if you aren't happier with your life you must make some hard decisions. Good luck which ever way you go.

  10. #10
    selchie's Avatar
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    I was just thinking of when I went away to grad school, about 1500 miles from everyone I knew. I liked only a couple of the other grad students, but they were busy with their theses, so we didn't socialize much. I'm not good at jumping in and making friends anyway. I got really depressed, and had decided to drop out after the first quarter. My advisor urged me to stick out the term, and I did.

    I wound up making friends with a handful of undergrads who were in the lab I taught during the first quarter. I still dropped out just before the second term, but that was because I didn't feel connected with my thesis project & school in general. I would have stayed in the area if I could have found a job.

    I suppose my moral (again) is to give it a bit of time. And take Lou up on that cuppa! I'm so glad the kids are settling in. They are more flexible than oldsters like us, but there's hope for you yet
    If men had wings and bore black feathers, few of them would be clever enough to be crows.
    - Rev. Henry Ward Beecher, mid-1800s

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