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Thread: NZ Diary

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    Dawn's Avatar
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    16th Aug
    I am going to see immigration to tell them I have been offered a job and they need to give me a visa now. I won?t take no for a answer, there?s no reasonable reason for them to refuse, just slap the old quill in some ink and scrawl a signature on that parchment kind sir, let me in and on to bigger things and get thee back from whence thy came thee slack jawed, pantalooned, wage slave. I am enabled and empowered, I have trawled the very gubbins of the system in an endeavour to secure a water-tight and fail-safe way to residency and when I couldn?t find one I fashioned one from the vair vair finest of thin air.Do not fret my beloved and unstinting readers I will not fail the very one of you. Immigration will not be able to put up with the pathetic sight of me blubbing and quivering like a blotchy mass in front of them and will rush through my application for fear of my colon bursting in plain view of their enslaved work force for whom it may very well be the most exciting thing they?ve seen since beginning work in the department apart from the time when that twat Glyn photocopied his arse at the Xmas party and posted it to his bosses Mrs with a note saying ?If seen do not approach. Armed and dangerous.?

    17th Aug
    Spent the better part of this morning pulling god knows how many months of someone else?s hair and matted skin scum out of the shower plug-hole and scrubbing the vair same out of all those crevices you don?t realise exist until you have to clean them. No I don?t mean my own crevices because of course I know who?s hair and skin scum is in there, I mean all those nooks and crannies in the bathroom that you only get round to cleaning when you have to. Funny how you don?t mind getting your fingers down amongst all that slimy horribuleness when it belongs to your own but when it?s a strangers it takes on a kind of unknownnesss type quality that just makes you want to rock your guts up. Lordy Lordy. The rest of the house wasn?t too bad it just needed a good once over which Gaz and I gave it good and proper and hey presto a housey type house more than adequate for our needs.

    18th Aug
    Bugger me! Gazo got offered a job today! And it?s all a bit mad how it happened so what do you think to this? I had been saying to WG I need to get my haircut coz I looked a bod and she were saying ?the?s a good place down in Chartwell we?ll go in and let you have a look?, coz I have my hair a bit weh a bit wah not nicey nicey like most decent folks. But for some reason we never managed to get there and now I know why. We was furniture shopping t?other day and were in a shop looking round stuff, as you do, coz otherwise you wouldn?t know what was on offer and I noticed a woman whos hair looked alrate so I asked her where she got it done and she told me. I rang them up and made an appointment and got me hair cut right nice and happened to mention that Gary was a barber. By the way, I hated hairdressers in the UK. I found a hairdresser I liked about 9 years ago and stuck with her. First she was mobile and came round my house whenever I wanted then she got a little salon and I went there whenever I wanted and there was no pretending it was a big deal, no showoffiness, no ?ooooo look at me getting my hair done in a vair vair cool, hip and trendy salon? and no ?I am a superior-looking type person to you so I can cut your hair how I want to, charge you $5000 dollars for it and make you feel grateful by blinding you with my super pearly white teeth?. It was just a vair vair pleasant experience where I just basically got a bloody good hair cut for $50 and the hairdresser didn?t even give an inkling that she couldn?t understand my rather complicated sentence structures unlike her UK counterparts who would just joosh their own hair in the mirror, pout and say ?That?s nice, Where did you say you were going on holiday this year?? Suits me! I booked Lauren in for a cut for the next day, yes I DID SAY THE NEXT DAY and when I went in to pick her up and pay the bill the owner said she wanted to talk to Gaz about barbering for her. Now what are the chances of that? Do you see how many probabilities came into play there? If just one of them hadn?t happened Gaz wouldn?t have had his job offer. So he?s gonna ring her tomoz and ask her what?s going off then he?ll be down the immigration. Skip wah doo they?ll give us residency as soon as coz frankly two exploding colons in one day is too much for anyone to handle.
    Passionate about the unfathomableness opportunities of kiwi-a-gogo-land

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    Dawn's Avatar
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    21st Aug
    Dominoes pizza is not as good as Hells. Pay the extra and have the Hells it is far and above the best pizza here. It is to die for, vair vair good. Dominoes dough was rather scrummy though but I am a doughy person, I like bready things. When I was little I remember my mum baking bread coz there was a bread strike and you couldn?t buy it anywhere. Can you imagine that happening now? Vair var unlikely, no one goes on strike anymore to prove a point. What happened to folksies standing up for what they believe in? I mean I know things can go too far like when Arthur Scargill caused havoc with the miners strike in the 80?s and for yous lot that weren?t there, yes, it really was like Billy Elliot just without Billy Elliot. Nottinghamshire, where I lived, was right in the thick of it and it wasn?t a very comfortable time at all, those people really were prepared to stand up and be counted and it ripped communities apart. It altered the very fabric and structure of commerce, economy and identity. There is still only partial recovery. Ooooo serious moment.

    23rd Aug
    Stuff is so up in the air here. I?ve been offered a job but I haven?t got it in writing. This geezer who Jay works with said he wanted me to go and work for him selling websites so I said ?oooo that?s right lovely, ta dead much I?d love to and ta again just for being a nice bloke?. He said, ?I?ll get an offer sorted out for you and I?ll email it over so you know what we?re offering and if it?s any good for you and I?ll do that either tonight or tomorrow.? I said, ?Yeah, ta that?d be great coz I need to know about cash coz obviously we gotta work out whether we can afford to keep all of the children or whether we have to sell one on? and he said, ?Yeah, it doesn?t matter so much if they?re ugly but you have nice kids so you?ll want to hang on to them? and I said ?make it so? and he said, ?I will?. Well, he didn?t. A week later and I haven?t heard anything from him at all. Jay says not to worry coz this is what NZ?s like but to be honest it?s just a tad disconcerting not to have anything in writing. Something I?ll have to get used to I suppose. I just don?t want him getting the wrong idea thinking I?m happy just doing note sitting around waiting for him to give me the nod and stuff, twiddling my thumbs and waiting for other folksies to do stuff for me. I AM NOT. I want to be up and at it now, I am chomping at the bit plain and simply and I feel a bit as though I?m hanging in midair. I want an offer of employment with a salary scale and a start date please at least then I would have something to aim for.

    25th Aug
    We are waiting for the forms to arrive from immigration. We are putting in our EOI and whilst we?re waiting for that to go through we?re getting work visas. We?re using Gary?s job offer and stuff for the EOI and we want to do that online coz obviously it?s faster and cheaper but we can?t apply for a work visa online so gotta do the old paper chasing on that one I?m afraid. We?ll keep you posted on how that all goes and whether we meet with any obstacles.
    I feel really frustrated just now. There?s so much just on the brink of happening and it?s not happening fast enough. I feel like someone?s got their hand on my forehead pushing me away and holding me at arms length and I?m trying desperately to get a grip on them, they?re just out of my reach you know what I mean?

    Bought a guitar today!! Woohooo!! Got to cut my finger nails now. Coz they?re getting in the way of the strings. A vair vair nice young man spent an hour and a half tuning guitars for me to strum about on, this is vair vair important to do before making ones choice. Otherwise one could go home with a nick nack paddywack shonky instrument not fit for the purpose and Gawd knows you don?t want that going on. You?d be right kicking yourself if you made the wrong choice coz someone was trying to hurry you a long, music and the making thereof is a vair vair personal thing.
    Passionate about the unfathomableness opportunities of kiwi-a-gogo-land

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    selchie's Avatar
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    Oh, that's the most interesting update I've read in ages, Dawn! You should be writing a column for an alternative weekly rag or something.

    Good luck with the slimy hair wads and the job offer.
    If men had wings and bore black feathers, few of them would be clever enough to be crows.
    - Rev. Henry Ward Beecher, mid-1800s

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    Dawn's Avatar
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    28th Aug
    Gaz and I went for our medicals today. We weren't worried, us both being pretty fit and all that. It's just a means to an end int it? Turned out the Dr I saw was from Sheffield and the phleghbotomist (sp?) rom Lytham St Anns! Both northerners whom I spent a great deal of precious medical time having a good old chin wag with. They were both vair vair friendly and said that I could give them a call anytime to meet up for a chat about ote so that was grand. All straight forward, so now we just have to wait for the results so that we can get these bleeding permit applications in!! So bloody bloody bloody frustrating. The kids have their medicals tomoz.

    I emailed the theatre the other day coz I need to get back in there doing somat even if it's just as a volunteer. I told them abit about myself and what I've done and they rang me up and offered me a job! They said that they would be advertising for a Theatre School Principal early next year and if t was alright with me they would forward my details to the board because they think I would be perfect!! I said 'Make it so' and she said 'Alrate youth!'

    29th Aug
    Rushed to the laptop this morning to have a glegg at the Immi page about whether we'd been selected from the pool. No update. No update? Do they not realise that I have only two fingers left now that aren't chewed to the knuckle? How can I play my guitar in this fingerless state? They are responsible for the demise of my ukelele playing career and they should be ashamed of themselves. I think they do it because they are bleak wage slaves who have no musical ability and they make themselves feel better about their non-possession of talent by shattering other hopefuls dreams and aspirations. OK so maybe they just have a lot on. I have of course considered this but choose to believe the other because it's more dramatic and I like drama in my otherwise empty llife.

    The no update status remained the same all day! Bloody bloody hell!! Shall I ring them up? No, I sha'nt ring them because that would make me appear desparate and I bet they get sick of desparate peeps ringing up on selection day going, 'Pick me, pick me'. WG says I should ring them because she knows how desperate I am but I am resisting the urge to let my fingers do the walking.

    Rang them up and was on hold for so long I gave up. I bet they just don't answer the phones on selection day. I bet they just put them all on to an epic length tape of Crowded House in the hope that at least 50% of hopeful callers will have bashed their brains out against the wall in boredom and frustration by the end of the day. That way they don't have so many applications to trawl through. Ummmm good plan! They can't get rid of me that easily though, I am made of sterner stuff than that. Something like Fray Bentos pie if you look in my head and you know how that sticks if you throw it at the wall. (Does that make any sense at all?)
    Passionate about the unfathomableness opportunities of kiwi-a-gogo-land

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    Dawn's Avatar
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    30th Aug
    Checked immi site again this morning and yes there was an update but it was very anti-climax. It said, on the matter of those being drawn from the pool, 'all EOI's with 140 points or more'. Is that it? IS THAT IT? No, 'Dawn Marron and Gary Lingard we are vair vair excited and honoured to receive your application and wish you to submit all of your details as soon as possible because we are weeing ourselves in anticipation of having you as residents in our country.' That's what I thought it would say, that's what I was hoping to see. But no! Not even a mention of our names. So now I guess we just have to sit tight and wait alongside all other minions until we hear whether they want to take our application further, I do of course mean, THAT they want to take our applications further.

    In the meantime we are still waiting for all test results to return so that we can put in these bleeding work permit applications. Bloody bloody hell. I feel so like so much stuff is out of my control and I do not like it one little bit.

    The kids had their medicals yesterday because we can't put in their applications to study until their medical results are through. Lauren was so so upset because she had to have the ode needly in her veinies. She was ready for punching the nurse who did it as the needle nearly chopped her arm off and she nearly died from loss of blood right there in the pvc covered chair. I had to rescue her in a motherly fashion and prevent her from slipping into unconsciousness from a mixture of blood loss and ire at the nurses ineptness. Everything was alright in the end and we managed to keep it from making front page news, the nurse however may not psychologically recover from the experience.
    Passionate about the unfathomableness opportunities of kiwi-a-gogo-land

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    selchie's Avatar
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    Strange, I thought I saw your names on the moon during the eclipse earlier this week. It read "Dawn and Gary: the next new Kiwis if we can help it".

    Good luck with the theatre school. It sounds like it could be a terrific match for you.
    If men had wings and bore black feathers, few of them would be clever enough to be crows.
    - Rev. Henry Ward Beecher, mid-1800s

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    Hi Dawn,
    Great to hear about these job offers! I was hoping to hear about it from you personally but that didn't happen.
    It all sounds great, was meant to be and happy ever after.
    Kepp me posted.
    My e-mail seems ok, I've had no other problems with it, only you seemed to be the one not receiving it!! Try again when you get chance.
    Life sounds good and I'm really happy for you all.
    Has Charlie and Poppy started school?
    Debra

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    Dawn's Avatar
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    Hey Deb, haven't tried emailing you from here so yeah I'll try that and fill you in.
    Passionate about the unfathomableness opportunities of kiwi-a-gogo-land

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