Do we have kids in NZ?

[LilAmy]

Hi Guys,

I know there's loads on here with regards to residency procedures etc but we're in a dilema.

We are across on our 23month WHV with the view to go for PR. We would love to have kids here as we think, in our eyes NZ is the best country to have a family for so many different reasons. We know we can get a nice house, boat etc and give our kiddie winkles everything the want apart from extended family. We love NZ and the only reason we would move back to Edinburgh or any other part of the UK would be to be close to friends and family.

We are both close to our families and dont know if we should stay in NZ or move back when we decide to have kids. How do we get the balance between a great country and way of life and having Grandparents and aunts and uncles able to visit our children more than once a year?

How have other people coped/coping with it. How did you make the decision? I know everyone is different but it would be good to hear other peoples views on it. We are just so confused.

[Welshgirl]

Hi Lil Amy,

That's a tough one - we came over and left behind heaps of family and friends, as have many others here on the forum. Being away from them all is the only thing that keeps my life in NZ from being perfect. Apart from the familiarity of the UK (or whatever country someone originates from), I would imagine that missing family and friends would be one of the main reasons that people will give up on their NZ dream and return to their home country. In my case, I left my 3 sons behind, which makes for a guilty conscience and lots of pining for 'home'. Having said that, we are still here, so I guess NZ must have something special to make us stay. With regards to extended family, yes it is hard but our daughter is in regular contact with her grandparents by phone, email or whatever method. Some will argue it's not the same but it works for us - everyone knows we miss them and our daughter knows she is loved and missed by everyone. I think the key is to keep mentioning the absent family - keep photos up, talk about them, keep in touch and make them feel part of your lives. Although we know our daughter misses her grandparents, she does not seem adversely affected by it and is thriving in NZ. I suppose it is harder in a way for children who have known their extended family and left them to come to a foreign country, than for those who were born abroad and have never known their extended family.

I don't know, I'm rambling now but that's my two pennies worth! You did ask!

[LilAmy]

Thanks Welshgirl,

Just getting peoples experiences on things like this are good. The guilt is hard to deal with but I am sure once our parents see how life is in NZ they will want us to have kids here and give them a better start. My folks are coming out in Feb and I hope they love it as much as we do.

As you have had kids in the UK and here, do you feel there is a big difference in their chances in life and opportunities etc?

[Glenda]

Hi Lil Amy,

I am here in NZ on my own with four children. It could be easy to go back to the UK to be close to family, but both the kids and I are so much more happier here.

My parents have lived in NZ in the past and are supportive, even though they miss their grandchildren. All they want is for me to be happy, and for the children to be happy. :) They do not believe we should leave a lovely country where we are content and the kids are thriving just to be close to them; they would feel very guilty if we did. Of course, I worry about them as they age, but they have other relatives and friends, plus we are in contact over email and telephone more than we ever were in the UK. If I have to, I can get on a plane and be there in two or three days.

The kids have adjusted very well to not having their grandparents and other relatives about. Of course, they miss the visits, but whereas before these visits were just tolerated (well, you know what kids are like about old people!) they now speak fluently and openly on the phone and look forward to one day visiting them or having them to visit.

As you know, the lifestyle is so much more relaxed and, for the kids especially it takes a whole lot of pressure off them. I don't think the education system is as good as in the UK, but, like there, it can so depend on what school you send them to. I do think the kids generally are better behaved here, do not have the materialistic hang-ups as UK kids, and many do actually get an education to enable them to go onto university. :)

Think you can guess what I advise. ;D

[Debd]

Hi Amy,

How exciting to be thinking of starting a family!! You both sound so happy here and that makes for good contented children... happy parents, happy children!! (hope!)
My two children are still very young and I can remember all the emotions you have when pregnant etc.... I'm sure you will yearn for your families but then I'm sure they will visit and stay with you around the time of the baby's birth so that you will have their love and support around you!
As close as we are to our family and as much as they miss us too, they're very happy for us to be here as N.Z. has always been known to be a great place to live and also bring up your children.
You'll be fine I know it and you're obviously a very friendly/lovely person that will have plenty of friends here to help you out. I think you're in a wonderful position to plan for your future!
Probaly best to let nature take it's course and enjoy!

[MotherBear]

Do it NOW, Amy, before Stu becomes even more kiwi. ? [smiley=icon_eek.gif] ;D

Sex, blokes and vasectomies - leg-crossing kiwi research
2:40PM Tuesday January 16, 2007
By Colin Marshall

An Auckland University researcher wants to know why more men in New Zealand are having vasectomies than just about anywhere else in the world.

At 18 per cent of all men, 25 per cent of all married men, and a leg-crossing 55 per cent of 40-49 year-olds, New Zealand's vasectomy rate towers above places such as the United States, where just 7 per cent of men have gone under the knife.

Auckland PhD psychology student Gareth Terry now wants to talk to some of those New Zealand men and find out what prompted them to go under the knife.

Mr Terry said he was curious as to why, given the good Kiwi bloke stereotype, so many were willing to be sterilised.

More here

[Dawn]

Hi Amy, it made me smile just reading that you were thinking of starting a family, it surely is a magical time. But that's exactly what you are doing you know , starting a family. The way I feel about it is that when you find the man/woman that you (as far as you can tell) wish to experience the rest of life with, the utmost show of love, honour and committment to one another is to share the creation of a beautiful new life. It's your decision, no one elses and once that blessing occurs, you then become a separate family unit of your own and you must do what you consider to be the best thing for all of your futures. Your mum, dad and whatever other family unit you have in the UK made the same decisions about having you and they have also past the point in their lives when they have to let you go and trust that they've done a good enough job of bringing you up to enable you to achieve everything you wish to fulfill. That includes making the choices you're making right now.

I'm 37 and have older brothers, a couple of whom think I'm being really selfish by taking my kids to NZ and away from my mum. My dad died when I was 18 and my mum has never remarried. Out of 6 kids only 3 of us have children and surprisingly it's the ones that don't have children that are accusing me of this.

My mum answered them quite succinctly by saying that as far as she is concerned she has successfully raised me if I have the courage and the positivity to head off across the world to start a new life. She told them that she is happier knowing that her grandchildren are being given the opportunity to experience a new country, new culture, new people, the chance to enrich their lives and make them more interesting and knowledgable people. She would rather them have that than stay here feeling guilty about damaging their relationship with her, a relationship that could never be damaged not even if they were on the moon! She is very proud of me and very proud of them and although it makes her cry whenever she thinks about us ACTUALLY going, she is excited for us.

We plan to set her up with a PC, e-mail, web-cam etc before we go and I'm absolutley sure that the kids will talk to her more often than they do now. We only see her once a week at present. We have never lived in each others pockets.

The other thing that seems to be important to people is having close family around when a new baby is born. Now as much as I do understand this because it truly is such a life-changing event, I very much feel that the most important people to be there are the ones that will be, you, Stu and that new baby. Once you get home and want to show your new baby to all and sundry there will be no shortage of takers. Babies are quite magical little beings and wherever you go people will want to stop and look at her/him, ask you about her, smile at you knowingly, it suddenly makes you part of a very large group of people that are all able to understand what you're feeling and it's up to you whether you decide to accept the acquaintance.

Amy, you and Stu are obviously courageous, confident, positive, exciting people. You've done what a lot of people only talk about doing. Trust that your existing family trust you and trust that your new family are also entitled to all of those things. They'll grow up better people for it.

Lauren, my oldest daughter is 16 in a few weeks and she already has a strong sense of who she is and what she wants. That scares me but at the same time I'm so proud of her because so many young people these days follow the crowd and she sticks her neck out. If, in a few years she decides to pack her things and head off to explore what the rest of the world has to offer, and I feel this is quite likely, then I'll be packing her things with her and encouraging her to go do it. Because, like my mum, I will feel that then I have successfully raised her - to dare, it's a little seen virtue these days and certainly isn't encouraged by the majority. I'm not one of the majority and I don't believe that you are either. Trust yourself.

Everything will be fine. ;)

[LilAmy]

Hey,

Thank you so much for all your advice on this topic. It's been great reading it all. Nearly brought a few tears to my eyes! In a nice way tho..

It is such a hard decision to make but I think deep down we know what's right for us and it's just going to take time to realise that we aren't going to be nasty people when we start a family here.

And I suppose a lot of it will depend on residency as well. We've already started to make a small circle of friends and a few are Expats and in similar positions (well 5yrs behind us but hey) so it's good to know that we wont be on our own through all of this when it all happens.

Thank you so much guys.

PS Incase you're reading Stu I know we wont be having kids for another 2yrs so dont stress - just want to get as much advice as poss ;D

[Debd]

Ha ha!!