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Thread: My Teen doesn't want to go GRRRR

  1. #1
    cradley is offline Member
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    Default My Teen doesn't want to go GRRRR

    Hi, everyone after lots of resaerch on NZ over the last six months,and deciding to complete the EOI my daughter tells me she's NOT comming.
    She has just turned 16 and just passed 10 GCSE'S, we think she will have more opportunities in NZ , but she doesn't want to leave her boyfriend and friends. As anyone had issues like this? if so were they resolved?
    Look forward to your replies
    Regards Cradley
    Last edited by cradley; 02-09-2008 at 05:36 AM.

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    nickydwuk's Avatar
    nickydwuk is offline God like figure
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    Hi cradley - I can understand your situation. We are coming over with 3 teenagers - 19, 16 & 14. At first my 14 yrs old wasn't keen as he didn't want to leave his grandparents but we never pushed it and just talked about what he oculd do and what we would be doing in NZ. Eventally he came around. Then my 16 yrs old fell in love but didn't want to disappoint us by not going. He was very grown up and we ended up by compromising and staying in the UK longer than we had planned and he & his girlfriend worked around this. Unfortunately they have sonce split up. We were lucky enough to get friendly with a family living near where we intend to go and their 16 yr old daughter is now in touch with him by MSN. This has helped him find out about NZ and what it is like for teens. Maybe that could be worth trying.

    Our philosophy was not to push it but to give them the info and let them make their mind up. Ours knew in the end that we were going they just had to work through their own emotions

    I'm glad I'm not a teenager anymore
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    We did have a big thread quite a while ago about Julian's daughter refusing to go to NZ, but it seems to have disappeared into the mists of time, like a lot of other things on here . Perhaps it was a casualty of the hacking we had on the old forum. This is all I could find on it, which shows briefly how things turned out after the move. Just to give you a little encouragement.

    Unfortunately this type of problem keeps cropping up and it usually revolves around the same things - leaving friends and boy/girl friends rather than an actual objection to going to NZ. The thing is, what your daughter and all these other youngsters are fighting to maintain in their lives is often only transitional. She wants to stay with her friends who, it has to be said, may well drift away anyway, be it to uni or jobs in other areas. Also, close personal relationships i.e. boyfriends come and go although helping young people to realise this can be very difficult as they only cling to what they know. Things rarely stay the same and people move on. She could find herself quite alone in time.

    I do sympathise with your problem and hope you can reach some compromise with her. In the case of Meadow's daughter, her boyfriend went down to NZ for a visit , which gave her something to look forward to. Perhaps your daughter's friends and boyfriend would like to visit her down there, too, and it's easy to keep in touch on MSN messenger. It would be easier for her to make the move now rather than wait until she's older, more settled and mature in her ways and relationships.
    Mother Bear

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    shrubby is offline Junior Member
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    Hi Cradley
    I sympathise, we are just starting out with all the prep for the move
    across and our 17 year old son is starting to say he's not sure if he wants to go now....2 years ago he couldn't wait, wish we'd gone then!...Again it's leaving friends and his girlfriend behind. We've just tried to let him know about all the positives of going, he's very sporty and plays rugby and likes surfing, so are trying to big up that area of opportunity. Also it goes without saying that any of his friends are welcome to come for a visit.............knowing my luck they'll not want to go home again :)
    It is very difficult for them to leave everything behind and once we get more sorted so we know when/where we'll be going I'm hoping it'll seem more real and there will be more enthusiasm.
    My 10 year old daughter is quite excited about it all and would love to hear from anyone of a similar age who's either done it or still going thru the process. Best of luck Cradley, I know how you feel :)

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    MotherBear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shrubby View Post
    My 10 year old daughter is quite excited about it all and would love to hear from anyone of a similar age who's either done it or still going thru the process.
    I think it is a great idea for kids to pal up either with a kiwi or someone who has already made the move or is about to. They can swap information and have a friend to 'bond' with so they don't think they are in it by themselves. Emails or MSN are a big help with this as they allow communication in real time (MSN anyway) and even the swapping of photos. Part of the problem could be 'fear of the unknown' and they can't see far enough ahead to realise that they will soon make new friends and find new girl/boyfriends.

    If they feel they have ready-made friends in NZ it gives them something to head towards and look forward to. It could help with the settling in process, too, knowing they have a friend or two in the country. Having to leave behind a whole bunch of friends and a 'someone special' with nothing to replace them must be quite traumatic at that age, so being able to give them someone at the other end might help dull the pain a bit.
    Mother Bear

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    cradley is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by shrubby View Post
    Hi Cradley
    I sympathise, we are just starting out with all the prep for the move
    across and our 17 year old son is starting to say he's not sure if he wants to go now....2 years ago he couldn't wait, wish we'd gone then!...Again it's leaving friends and his girlfriend behind. We've just tried to let him know about all the positives of going, he's very sporty and plays rugby and likes surfing, so are trying to big up that area of opportunity. Also it goes without saying that any of his friends are welcome to come for a visit.............knowing my luck they'll not want to go home again :)
    It is very difficult for them to leave everything behind and once we get more sorted so we know when/where we'll be going I'm hoping it'll seem more real and there will be more enthusiasm.
    My 10 year old daughter is quite excited about it all and would love to hear from anyone of a similar age who's either done it or still going thru the process. Best of luck Cradley, I know how you feel :)
    Thanks for the advice, got to the stage where i will try anything.I have a 10 year old son who is also very excited about going (would go today if he could) but we are only at the very start of the process what about you?

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    cradley is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by nickydwuk View Post
    Hi cradley - I can understand your situation. We are coming over with 3 teenagers - 19, 16 & 14. At first my 14 yrs old wasn't keen as he didn't want to leave his grandparents but we never pushed it and just talked about what he oculd do and what we would be doing in NZ. Eventally he came around. Then my 16 yrs old fell in love but didn't want to disappoint us by not going. He was very grown up and we ended up by compromising and staying in the UK longer than we had planned and he & his girlfriend worked around this. Unfortunately they have sonce split up. We were lucky enough to get friendly with a family living near where we intend to go and their 16 yr old daughter is now in touch with him by MSN. This has helped him find out about NZ and what it is like for teens. Maybe that could be worth trying.

    Our philosophy was not to push it but to give them the info and let them make their mind up. Ours knew in the end that we were going they just had to work through their own emotions

    I'm glad I'm not a teenager anymore
    Thanks Niki,we are only at the start of the process so hoping she will change her mind.Dawn has told me she had the same problem with her 16 yr old daugter a year ago,she is living in NZ now and has adapted quite well.Her daughter has said she will speak my daughter (Kayleigh) on MSN so hopefully she can give her ,her view on teenage life in NZ.

    Isn't life great
    Regards Cradley

  8. #8
    nickydwuk's Avatar
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    Kids - don't you just love 'em
    Nursing Registration sent 5th August 2007
    Job Offer 25th September 2007
    Nursing Registration received 28th December 2007
    Submitted EOI 3rd January 2008 with 150 points
    Selected 17th January 2008
    ITA Received 31st January 2008
    ITA submitted 25th April 2008
    Approved in Principle 3rd May 2008
    Blue Stickers arrived 13th May 2008
    Flights booked for 19th Sept to Christchurch

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    shrubby is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cradley View Post
    Thanks for the advice, got to the stage where i will try anything.I have a 10 year old son who is also very excited about going (would go today if he could) but we are only at the very start of the process what about you?
    Don't you just luv 10 year olds they make life so much easier than teens!! If you could bottle their enthusiasm you'd make a fortune.
    Like you we're at the very beginning of the process which I think makes things worse as there's nothing definate happening yet, I'll just have to carry on with the positve comments about NZ to sway him.......I'll need a job with their tourist board I'm getting so good!!!!

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