Dealing with Family Resistance...

[Welshgirl]

Originally Posted by ShellBda

Glenda, Dawn and everyone else who has responded - what a strong group of individuals. Next to Bermy Girl, I couldn't ask for better support mates than I have found on this forum.

Aaww Shell, you say the nicest things

Now everybody, let's reveal what we're really like, now we've got her well and truly involved with our MoveToNZ cult mwahahaha......

[ShellBda]

Originally Posted by Welshgirl

Aaww Shell, you say the nicest things

Now everybody, let's reveal what we're really like, now we've got her well and truly involved with our MoveToNZ cult mwahahaha......

Did I say something nice? I can't seem to remember I hear voices in my head - "dig paddock, drink rum, dig paddock, drink rum..."

[Dawn]

WH she's on to our mantra - we better change it quickly

[Welshgirl]

Good idea, we don't want her to find out our world domination plan just yet, but she is a valuable asset with her knowledge of..... ermm, knowledge of..... ermm, oh I know, knowledge of people called Dave..

What do you suggest we change our mantra to Dawn?

[Bermy Girl]

Hey don't underestimate Shell, she's got great knowledge of Dan as well...

I'll leave the mantra to you, as being a blonde I'm oblivious anyway...

[Bermy Girl]

Alright, now that my thread has been well and truly corrupted...mostly by me...

I finally managed to tell my mum that Shellbda and I had bought a house as an investment. She took it quite well, but then I did sort of change the subject when she asked me what the long term plans were for the property... I chickened out...what can I say! I need her to babysit for me too much over the next two weeks for work reasons, so I can't afford to upset her too much right now as I can't afford to have her not speaking to me again! So, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it...but at least she took the news about the house okay...she wasn't deliriously happy, however there were no tears or guilt...so I'm okay with that. I'm rambling now...stay tuned...

[RedAlligator]

have to say its not only family you can get a hard time from, its friends too. I dont actually have much of a family to speak off back in the UK so my friends there were my family. We had one lot of friends who gave us such a hard time once we told them our plans. Well, that is to say more me, they could understand why Alistair my OH wanted to come as he is a kiwi but they couldnt understand why I wanted to. I tried so hard to explain my reasons but none were good enough for them. They just didnt want us to go. Our last few months they kept on and on about how they couldnt understand and would make snide comments about what a great place London is and how they could never leave their friends, as if the decision had been an easy one for us! They had even decided that it pissed them off so much us going that they wouldnt come out to visit us for at least five years (I think they were hoping we would be back in that time) and so far its almost six and they still havent been out and actually I think have no intention of coming. They basically told us that NZ is not a country they ever wanted to visit and they wont be coming just coz were here, nice aye! - which I think is their way of "punishing us". Even when we got here, most emails they sent they would ask when are we coming back and if things arent working out just get on the next flight out! Pressure that we really didnt need. So, its hard isnt it, making these decisions and then not getting the support you need. I can understand it from their side too as of course you dont want to lose your family or friends to the other side of the world but its our life and we have to live it as we think is best.

Ok rambled enough now but this is still a bit of a touchy subject for me.

[Laura]

I think this is the hardest part of the whole immigration process.

I was dreading telling my mum that we wanted to move to NZ. She brought me and my brother up as a single mum and we have always been so close.

I put it off for too long, if I?m honest, which only made it all the harder. Initially she was absolutely devastated ? lots of tears, lots of anger lots of everything. I remember that when I left her flat that day I actually thought that I may have damaged our relationship beyond repair and that thought frightened me more than anything in the whole world.

I guess, like most people, I?d wanted it all to go smoothly when I told her so that things would be easier on me ? how selfish am I? I thought to myself ?why can?t she just be happy for me and see that I?m doing this because it?s right for us and in particular our 2 beautiful daughters??

By the time I had driven home she had already left a message on my phone asking me to call her urgently. I thought ?Oh God, here we go again?. But when I rang her she said to me that she totally understood why we wanted to go and she actually agreed that it was probably the best thing for us as a young family. And then she asked me something that proved, beyond all doubt to me, that she is an absolutely awesome woman ? she asked me to give her time to adjust to our plans and to understand that the high emotions that she would more than likely demonstrate over the forthcoming months were not emotional blackmail, but an honest reaction of someone who cared about us a great deal.

I realised immediately that she was right. Why should I expect her to react so positively to hearing something for the first time that had taken us months to decide was right for us? Everybody needs time to take it in, process it and then react in their own way.

There?s no easy way to deal with negative reaction to the move from family or friends. The only advice I would give (for what its worth!) is please just keep talking to each other about it. The more you put things off, the harder they become. I really believe that honesty is the best policy, even though it is sometimes so hard. Just remember that it is hard for them too.

I apologised earlier today for rambling on in a long post?and here I am doing it again Sorry everyone.

[ebianca]

Wow..

After reading all the posts in here I realise how lucky i am. Both me and my husband have fairly big families although we aren't very close we do see them quite often and do get on well with them.

Not one family member or friend has put any pressure on us or made us feel guilty about our desision to move to NZ. Not sure if they actually beleive we are going to do it but there you go.

None of them would want us to stay for them and our parents said if they could do it they would. They want a better life for us and our kids as much as we do.

So all is well at the moment however when we are actually leaving things could be different.

To those of you who are having trouble with family just explain everything to them about why you want to go etc and i'm sure they will come round in the end, afterall i'm sure they would want you to be happy and it is so easy to keep in touch with email and web cams etc now.