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Thread: Making new friends

  1. #1
    tottefan is offline Senior Member
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    Default Making new friends

    Is it hard to make yourself a part of NZ society? Are NZers inclined to be friendly toward British emigrants? Is it easy to establish a group of close friends?

    One of my biggest concerns is making friends and having a good social life in NZ. I'm quite severely dyspraxic which means that I display many of the autistic traits. :icon_sad: I generally find socialising hard and although I smile and am friendly towards people I'm not very good at socialising. Having said that, I suppose if I stayed in the UK it would only be the same anyway. :icon_confused:


    Tottefan.

  2. #2
    dlmckay is offline Junior Member
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    Default Making new friends

    The best way to make friends is to join a club with a common interest. I love dogs and joined a local dog training club - learnt lots of stuff and made some really good friends.

    My sister is also dyspraxic and she has always had a busy social life because she found other Trekkies to meet with.

    Find your interests and then find a group that has the same interest - local school PTAs or just a coffee morning group... I've never had problems with meeting people just because I'm english.

    Then you can also try to meet up with other expats - I've done that too!

    Enjoy!

  3. #3
    fisheress's Avatar
    fisheress is offline Senior Member
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    Default Making new friends

    I've found everyone friendly and they give you the time of day in shops and on the street just like people did when I was a kid. I've been here 4 months now and work full time with my hubby back in England. So between work and getting the kids settled and into clubs, I've had to neglect myself!

    You do have to get out there and make the effort! I introduced myself to my neighbours and chat at work, but I think it takes a long time to build up the network of friends you lose. It took me a year or 2 to build up very close relationships with friends when I moved from the north of England to the Midlands!

    Don't worry too much...........NZ is the land of club opportunity............just get in there!

    Fisheress

  4. #4
    MotherBear's Avatar
    MotherBear is offline The missing link
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    Default Making new friends

    A lot of it is down to your own personality and how you handle other people. A friendly smile and obvious willingness to communicate with people can only act as encouragement to them. If they don?t respond to that then perhaps they just aren?t interested and are better left alone, but there will be plenty of others that are interested. If you skulk around in dark corners you?re going to be overlooked, so if it?s new friends you want, the best way is to go out and mingle with potential ?candidates?. It would keep the whole thing on a lighter note if you first set out purely to get to know people and embrace them more as acquaintances rather than grabbing onto them desperately as your new best friends.

    People take time to take the next step up from being an acquaintance to being a friend, so let them have some space to consider whether they want to take that step. If you?re a genuinely nice person and let it show, people will be attracted to you whether you have a disability or not. There will always be some who don?t want to know but, as you say Tottefan, it will be the same wherever you are. If you have to start looking for new friends I?d say, from what I?ve experienced down under, NZ is a great place to begin looking. I don?t get the impression that they would look down on you as a lesser person and, if you can be honest with them in explaining in a lighthearted way that you sometimes have problems mixing socially, at least they know what they?re dealing with and it?s not just you being difficult. True friends will see through your difficulties and accept you as one of their own.

    Dlmckay, hi and welcome to our happy band. [img:979e5057d6]http://www.invision.smileyville.net/smilies/greets%20(15).gif[/img:979e5057d6]
    Mother Bear

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  5. #5
    tottefan is offline Senior Member
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    Default Making new friends

    Well, If I went out there to do a phd or masters, which is a possibility, I would make sure that I got involved in the various societies and clubs. The good thing about universities is that they do have lots of choice on what clubs to join and there are many opportunities to socialise with like-minded people.

    I'd basically make sure that I got involved even if I have to break the pain barrier. I also will use the next 2 years to become more confident and try new things.


    Tottefan.

  6. #6
    netchicken is offline Senior Member
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    Default Making new friends

    I don't think you will have any trouble making new friends.

    There is a difference between Kiwi friendliness and others.

    Europeans (and by that I also include British) seem to be more reticient and forrmal when it comes to initiating friendships, but that is marked by a much deeper sence of friendship when one is established.

    However kiwis seems to be more open and inclusive, but the friendship isn't necessarily as deep or long lasting, more a 'surface' type of relationship.

    What drives europeans nuts is the typical kiwi saying of "we have to get together some time," and "you must come around for dinner one night".

    The european then is expecting an imminent meal date, and nothing comes from it. One person I talked to about it said that she would actually pin the kiwi down with "How about wednesday night at 7pm then". Otherwise the comment will be left hanging and nothing will get done

    It may have to do with how busy kiwis can be as well, but I imagine this is universal.

    I used to be a user of this phrase as well, and its intent is more of "We should get together but not right now, but sometime in the vague future when we get some time.

  7. #7
    SteveyC's Avatar
    SteveyC is offline Right Royal Pain In The Posterior
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    Default Making new friends

    We're in the fortunate position of having no friends in the Uk anyway, cos we hate most people hehe.

    So we're looking forward to a less 'stuck-up' mentality when we get there cos we're friendly folk really. I guess we've both moved around so much and have never really put down roots anywhere as yet. What friends we did have are still partying hard and being aimless, so not alot of common ground anymore :icon_sad:

    You guys are my best friends, how sad is that :icon_biggrin:

  8. #8
    MotherBear's Avatar
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    Default Making new friends

    [quote:97a13f3962="SteveyC"]You guys are my best friends, how sad is that :icon_biggrin:[/quote:97a13f3962]

    Oh gawd! I feel a sob coming on. [img:97a13f3962]http://www.invision.smileyville.net/smilies/sad%20(3).gif[/img:97a13f3962]
    Mother Bear

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  9. #9
    nattydread's Avatar
    nattydread is offline God like figure
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    Default Making new friends

    [quote:748ebba0ab="SteveyC"]We're in the fortunate position of having no friends in the Uk anyway, cos we hate most people hehe.

    So we're looking forward to a less 'stuck-up' mentality when we get there cos we're friendly folk really. I guess we've both moved around so much and have never really put down roots anywhere as yet. What friends we did have are still partying hard and being aimless, so not alot of common ground anymore :icon_sad:

    You guys are my best friends, how sad is that :icon_biggrin:[/quote:748ebba0ab]

    ditto..

  10. #10
    moggy's Avatar
    moggy is offline God like figure
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    Default Making new friends

    I would tend to go for joining a club or something, if there is a mutual interest, then you can concentrate about sharing information on that interest, rather than having to discuss personal information. After a while when you feel comfortable you can gradually let more of yourself show.

    From what I hear (and this is only hearsay) the Kiwis are much more into clubs and societies than the UK is.

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