Making new friends

Guess I'm often a Billy No Mates too ... but doesn't just [i:91747d845b]thinking[/i:91747d845b] about emigrating put you in that category, let alone doing it?

I mean, most of us feel or have felt some discontent living in the UK and we search for [i:91747d845b]something else[/i:91747d845b]. We perhaps think about moving to another part of the country, maybe to France or Spain, then the other side of the world. This mentality can go on for months or even years.

Of course, not everyone loses their friends and keep deep friendships even after emigrating, but the distraction and body language most of us must have shown surely kept existing and friendship opportunities at bay.

It is easy to get into the habit of excuses too. In my case, I have spent many years of my married life in houses that we have been busily renovating, which (probably in my mind) has been difficult for visitors and difficult for me to leave as there are usually tradesmen present. Now I have another excuse rearing its head and which I am trying hard to knock down - I am separated now and I imagine any possible female friend is going to be worried about my single status and steal their husband!

Kiwis are friendly, but you have to remember that they have not had the British experience you have, though some may have visited or spent a year or two there. Unless you can stop yourself talking about the UK, and comparing it with NZ, you will probably find yourself with just expat friends. Being with Kiwis is a good exercise in listening ... they will love to help if they can, so ask away your questions and be self-depreciating (is that the right word?) in that acknowledge you are a newcomer to their society and don't give the opinion that you think you know it all. Just don't forget how helpful they were and help them where you can.

The Kiwis I have come across are also very relaxed. Many of us Brits have this attitude that privacy in the home is paramount, friends should be invited at specific times, and the house spotless and prepared for them with freshly made or bought cakes in the larder. I have learnt to tell acquaintances/friends to pop by anytime, if the car is in the garage - I'm home, if I don't hear the knock they can pop their head in the door and shout "yoohoo!" and not to worry if I've just washed my hair, the kids are fighting, or I've burnt the dinner, etc.

I can't say I am successful in making friends here, as I have my own demons to deal with, but I can go down the street and say "hello" to or wave at least one person I know or recognise, which is a beginning.

:icon_biggrin:

Glenda, your description of making kiwis or new kiwis/residents welcome to your home anytime of the day is very encouraging. With more people like you, I am sure you will have lots of good friends and at the same time contributing to peace in your endeavors.

We should all learn from Glenda.

Pulsarblu

[quote:80b3e72b88="Glenda"] so ask away your questions and be self-depreciating (is that the right word?)

[/quote:80b3e72b88]

i've never been any good at that..
:icon_biggrin:

[quote:5c98d25e52="Glenda"] ... they will love to help if they can, so ask away your questions and be [b:5c98d25e52]self-depreciating [/b:5c98d25e52](is that the right word?)[/quote:5c98d25e52]
I think it could be self-deprecating. I know because I'm quite good at it, which is why I get hammered so much. [img:5c98d25e52]http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/smilie/boese/e055.gif[/img:5c98d25e52] Some unscrupulous people jump at the opportunity to join in and take advantage of catching you at a weak moment.

However, I would agree with Glenda about adopting that attitude rather than putting forward an arrogant front, which would be enough to get anyone's back up. If you're self-deprecating there's always room for someone to tell you otherwise, which gives you a lift in spirits. If you're arrogant, I doubt anyone would want to give you a lift in any shape or form.

just a little poem for you all

A friend is like a flower, a rose to be exact
Or maybe like a brand new gate, that never comes unlatched
A friend is like an owl, both beautiful and wise
Or perhaps a friend is like a ghost, whos spirit never dies
A friend is like those blades of grass, you can never mow, standing tall and proud in a perfect little row
A friend is like a heart that goes strong until the end
Where would we be in this world, if we didnt have a friend...

He who finds a faithfull friend, finds a treasure.

look at me getting all mushy!!!!

sadly i'll be leaving all my treasures behind ( not forgotten) but searching for more

[quote:d9eb67cb3c="moose"]He who finds a faithfull friend, finds a treasure.[/quote:d9eb67cb3c]

I'll go along with that. :023:

[quote:8465005c4f="MB"]I know because I'm quite good at it, which is why I get hammered so much. Some unscrupulous people jump at the opportunity to join in and take advantage of catching you at a weak moment.[/quote:8465005c4f]

What's that sposed to mean MB??

Pah, you're just silent bragging and fishing for compliments. :icon_mrgreen:

I don't have problems making friends (surprising you may think hehe) but generally I move away form then and different lives go different ways. We had loads of frinds when we lived in Cornwall, going out every night of the week, but job prospects meant we had to leave and now we barely speak :icon_sad: Luckily they're all people who you can not speak to for 5 years but it'll be just the same if we went back.

Which is fortunate as if NZ fails that's where we're headed.

[quote:f1d3f452f8="SteveyC"]Pah, you're just silent bragging and [b:f1d3f452f8]fishing for compliments.[/b:f1d3f452f8] :icon_mrgreen: [/quote:f1d3f452f8]
Well, I'll have a long wait then, won't I? [img:f1d3f452f8]http://www.smilies.smileyville.net/smilies/846.gif[/img:f1d3f452f8]

have found this thread very interesting.
when we had our trip to NZ i was very concious of how people would take us if they thougt that we were not just holiday makers and that we were looking to see if we could up sticks and make the move .i wondered if we would get the whinging poms trying to take kiwi jobs.but we did tell people that we werelooking at that.and we were pleasently surprised.
we did meet one kiwi who said that if we thougt we were going to make a fortune in NZ then we had better forget it he also said that no amount of money would take him away from his family or NZ.but when we explained that money was not our motive,and that if we lived in a clean respectfull and safer country we would feel like he did.
he had very strong views and explained what he called the tall poppy syndrome.that he says kiwis live by ie if you start to get to be a bit to big for your boots or to tall a poppy they will bring you down to earth.we parted on good terms and his friends said he liked us because we also had strong views.
but on the other hand when we met a couple in christchurch(through the kids playing with their son)they were in christchurch for a hospital visit.they asked if we had been to able tasmin and said if we were inthe area to pop in their restaurant (the beached whale in kiateriteri)well we did go and bumped in to the guy on the beach he saw us and we asked if he had atable for later he said he was shut for a couple of days(out of season and on a monday)but it was not a problem ,come to the house about seven ,is ther anything you dont eat, well ally and the kids are veggos,again not a problem. we had a great evening and ally sends crimbo cards .if we could liv anywhere it would be there. but it very expensive and work opps seem low.
it is turning into a bit of a novel,but i must tell this .when we first arrived in Auckland we had five days till we picked up the camper.we had some time to kill and there was a huge rugby match in new plymouth , we headed off there in the hire car.not knowing the roads we thougt about 3 hours ,6 hours later we arrive and try to get a room, no chance.sold out for two hours
drive in all directions so ally said i will try to get this one to ring around for us .the lady said the same that everry where was sold out and that she even had people sleeping on her floor.but the place would be empty after the game.so ally said we would make the kids comfy inthe car and come and see her for a room tomorrow,as soon as she heard we had kids she rang round her friends and this dear old lady put us up for the night.we think that if this had been in the uk we would have been in the car for the night.we like the "can do" attitude of many kiwis and hope it will be the same when we get there,but we are not so naive to think its the land of no bad.

Love It Johnty!!!!!!!!!

Especially the last.

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