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Thread: Families!!!

  1. #1
    moley is offline Junior Member
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    Sorry to ask such a sensitive question to you all but when you have plucked up the courage to explain to your families about your move to NZ what have the reactions been and how have you all handled it. Very difficult one this :icon_confused: Many thanks

  2. #2
    saraian is offline Oh Masterful One
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    Hi Moley
    My mum and dad have been very supportive of the move in fact my dad has been telling me to get out of the UK for years. He doesn't like where the country is heading, sad really. My hubby's mum and dad a little less so. They wanted us to move to Spain as that is where Ian's brother is. My grandma's scared she will never see us again, which is very hard to face. My extended family and friends think we are crazy. I think, you are only here once. If it's not for us we come back simple! Don't sweat the small stuff :icon_wink: I say that but I'll be devastated when the time comes.

  3. #3
    nattydread's Avatar
    nattydread is offline God like figure
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    Mine were a bit surprised to start with but they're not daft, they know that its the right thing to do.

    We plan to move to Auckland area at the end of this year beginning of next. We are living in scotland at the moment so the weather is going to be a huge huge difference for us..
    I just read welshgirls posting on how child friendly NZ is and thats the main thing.
    They know that our kids, their grandkids, will be much better off in NZ than here..

    We only see them once a month or so , so its not as if we're mega close.
    Even if its 3 years before we get to see them again , thats only about 36 visits.. hardly anything in the grand scheme of things..

    To be honest, I would have been quite angry at their selfishness if they had reacted in any other way,,.

    craig balsillie

  4. #4
    Glenda's Avatar
    Glenda is offline All Knowing Deity
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    You folks are sooooooo lucky. My situation is so bad I do not really want to post ... but here goes.

    My mum and dad are sad but fine with the move. They have lived in NZ themselves and know it to be a good move for us and the kids. They would ideally like to come out again themselves when we have gained citizenship.

    My MIL is sad but fine with the move. My FIL (who is divorced) is not and the hell he has been giving us cannot be imagined. He has taken our move as a personal rejection and has not spoken to us since we told him last October. Every time we try to speak he has turned away. Furthermore, he has been going around telling everyone how wicked we are to him, how wicked we are to our children and that we have robbed him. He has stopped us selling the house as he wants a share of it as he legally passed on his own inheritance to my husband in 1984. We don't know what to do with him and I don't think his solicitor does either. He is trying everything to stop us emigrating and taking 'his children' as he calls our kids.

    The stupid thing is that hubby was going to make regular trips back to the UK, take him to NZ on holiday, and even give him some financial security to help with bills etc. Now we can't wait to get away.

    Just cannot discuss it anymore, but as you can see things can go wrong though I am sure our situation is very uncommon.
    Glenda
    In NZ since June 2005
    Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness - Chinese proverb

  5. #5
    saraian is offline Oh Masterful One
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    That's really hard Glenda. Sorry to hear you have had a hard time. Sad as your FIL will regret pushing you away I'm sure. Maybe when you go he will realise and a little time may sort that one out.

    Our situation is sad for opposite reasons, 6 years ago my 19 year old cousin was killed by a drink driver. We were planning to make the move just before that. I just couldn't leave my family when they needed me. Don't get me wrong it will never go away but it has made us all appreciate just how precious life is. We have to do what is best for our children and my family understands although I do feel sometimes like I will be abandoning them all.

    Well now we have depressed everyone, sorry :icon_frown: I'll go have a glass of wine Take care.

    Sara :030: Oh did I say glass!

  6. #6
    Welshgirl's Avatar
    Welshgirl is offline Super Moderator
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    Hey Glenda,
    Sorry to hear about your circumstances. It may be that time softens his attitude a bit, but until then, it'll be his loss. You can understand to some extent, a negative reaction from people when you drop the bombshell that you are emirating to NZ- after all, they have everything to lose and nothing to gain, whereas although you will obviously miss your family, you have this whole new exciting life to start in a beautiful country - I reckon it's harder for those left behind sometimes.

    Whatever happens, don't give up. If in any doubt, remember the whole reason you are doing this - for a better life for your family. And if the worst comes to the worst, and you can't settle successfully over here, or if living here is not worth missing your family, then you can always go back! At least you will have seen both sides of the coin - better than not coming in the first place, and forever wondering 'what if.....'

    Anyway, I really hope things work themselves out. Keep your chin up!

  7. #7
    kiwi_fairy is offline Senior Member
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    if we decide to move, I have no idea how my extended family would react. We have both sets of grandparents nearby and 2 aunts/uncles and 4 cousins. That would probably be the hardest thing to do, telling family & friends. Other than that, as of now, I don't think I would have any qualms at leaving America. Sounds terribly unpatriotic, I know. :icon_confused:

  8. #8
    moggy's Avatar
    moggy is offline God like figure
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    Well the inlaws know about it and are fine about it, they understand our desire to go and are being supportive. They will miss us of course.

    My own family I haven't bothered to tell yet. I have never been close to aunts and uncles due to distance and my mother hasnt spoken to her sisters in years because of a feud she created. Grandparents are all dead, My brother is an evil conniving bastard that used to beat me up on a regular basis and my parents I am not close to due to them thinking the sun shines out of said evil conniving bastard's arse. My parents have been really wierd with me since I got married last year, they no longer ring, haven't visited, chucked the first present we bought them back in our faces and have decreed there is no point in exchanging presents anymore.
    So I am thinking about telling them either just before we leave or presenting a fait a complis and just sending a change of address card when we get there.

  9. #9
    kiwi_fairy is offline Senior Member
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    wow that's rough. :( I'm sorry. Best of luck on your moving.

  10. #10
    Glenda's Avatar
    Glenda is offline All Knowing Deity
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    Hi Moggy,

    Feel like giving you a big cyber hug.

    Aren't some family members awful? Can't imagine how you must feel :icon_frown: (though we do have in-law problems and there was a stage where I had no contact with my own parents for six years because - get this! - my parents were upset because we omitted to ask my father to sign our marriage certificate :icon_rolleyes: ). I suppose there is the consolation that you won't feel sad or guillty about leaving them. I would send them a letter with plenty of photos showing how much your are enjoying yourself in New Zealand. :icon_twisted:

    ::):
    Glenda
    In NZ since June 2005
    Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness - Chinese proverb

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