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Thread: Migh be old but make me laugh....

  1. #1
    Welshgirl's Avatar
    Welshgirl is offline Super Moderator
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    Default Might be old but made me laugh....

    A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
    The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

    The lawyer persists, that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

    This catches the blonde's attention, and- to keep him quiet- she agrees to play the game.
    The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"
    The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

    Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the Airphone; he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.

    After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde takes the $500 and goes back to sleep.

    The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes her up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

    The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

    AND......

    Dear All


    My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........

    I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

    Also,I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

    I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .....

    Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

    I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

    I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

    Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

    Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

    I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

    I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

    Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

    And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the ?5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.


    If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.



    I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

  2. #2
    Taffy's Avatar
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    You forgot the bit about:

    "This works! I don't know how but it really does!"

    Now, send this post to 20billion of your friends in the next nano-second or absolutely nothing will occur, and it's mere nothingness will be enough to plague you for no time at all while you wonder about the what ifs and the wheres of what may have happened if you'd actually been stoopid enough to forward this post, in another life somewhere else.

    Yours,
    Ngaby Mosakibliki
    Nigerian Bank of 'Congo' - We con, you go.

    For a statement of investment opportunities, please check your email daily.
    This post is confidential, and is for the intended recipient only. If you have received this post by mistake, thats ok, we'll rip you off instead. For comments and complaints, please email an unrelated hotmail account, which will go to the man sat next to me, who also has a wayward $20,000,000 US dollars to deposit in your account.
    Taffy

    The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

  3. #3
    MotherBear's Avatar
    MotherBear is offline The missing link
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    Quote Originally Posted by Taffy View Post
    Now, send this post to 20billion of your friends in the next nano-second or absolutely nothing will occur, and it's mere nothingness will be enough to plague you for no time at all while you wonder about the what ifs and the wheres of what may have happened if you'd actually been stoopid enough to forward this post, in another life somewhere else.
    You've been spending too much time with Dawn lately.
    Mother Bear

    Try to bloom wherever you are planted.

  4. #4
    Taffy's Avatar
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    Quite the opposite actually MB....







    She's been spending way too much time with me!
    Taffy

    The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

  5. #5
    Dawn's Avatar
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    When was that then??

    You have become a bleak wage slave beholden to the Goddess spondoolicshakira!!!

    Oh yes

    You make offerings of goat and pumpkins of a weekend to please your idol figures of wealth and thou should be thoroughly ashamed of thouself for thy goats have now only two legs each left on which to stand and thee are no more wealthy than before!

    I shalt take said goats and give them a charitable home feeding them on milk and honey and encouraging the regrowth of their partial limbs for I am a lover of animals and walk amongst them with compassion.
    Passionate about the unfathomableness opportunities of kiwi-a-gogo-land

  6. #6
    Taffy's Avatar
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    Eh?

    I correct my last statement, Dawn hasnt been spending too much time with me, she's clearly been too busy with the waccy baccy to concern herself with the likes of me!
    Taffy

    The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

  7. #7
    Dawn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Taffy View Post
    Eh?

    I correct my last statement, Dawn hasnt been spending too much time with me, she's clearly been too busy with the waccy baccy to concern herself with the likes of me!
    Waccy baccy????? How dare thee????? You know no impure substances pass my lips!!!!!
    Passionate about the unfathomableness opportunities of kiwi-a-gogo-land

  8. #8
    Taffy's Avatar
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    Ok, so I re-correct my statement again - Dawns cleary been too busy with pure crack cocaine, or organic grown waccy baccy.

    There, nothing impure in that lot!
    Taffy

    The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

  9. #9
    Dawn's Avatar
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    That's why you're coming round with your pipe on Saturday int it........
    Passionate about the unfathomableness opportunities of kiwi-a-gogo-land

  10. #10
    Taffy's Avatar
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    Yeah, my lead pipe! Gonna try and knock some sense in to you.

    I dunno, the yoof of today....
    Taffy

    The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

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