Women's prayer for Easter

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles, please no bags
And please lift my butt before it sags.
Please no age spots, please no gray
And, as for my belly, please take it away.
Please keep me healthy, please keep me young
And thank you dear Lord for all that you’ve done.



Five tips for a woman....

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3.. It is important to find a man you can count on! and doesn't lie to you.

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

:icon_biggrin:

Have just received a round-robin email on the same vein ...



PREGNANCY

Q,A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's
borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor,
but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q! : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my
wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act
normal again?
A: When the kids are in college!



OESTROGEN ISSUES

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE 'OESTROGEN ISSUES'

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker
that says 'How's my driving - call 1- 800-'

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from outer space

8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday..



TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND!

10. Cats' facial expressions.

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.

8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds

7. Fat clothes.

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.

5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.

4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.

3. Eyelash curlers.

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One
thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

Amen, sisters!