You might have seen this, but it's funny.....

Some of the funniest headlines from newspapers...

# Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

# Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

# Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

# Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case

# Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

# Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

# Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

# Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

# British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

# Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

# Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead

# Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

# Miners Refuse to Work After Death

# Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

# Stolen Painting Found by Tree

# Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

# War Dims Hope for Peace

# If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

# Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

# Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

# New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

# Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space

# Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

# Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

# Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Great Stuff!!!!!!!!!!

I'll Be Looking At The Headlines In A Different Way Fron Now On!!!!!!!

:icon_lol:

[b:36bed43441]And another few funnies.......[/b:36bed43441]

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing of one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the 2005 winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.

[img:463a895543]http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_1_72.gif[/img:463a895543]

[smilie=funny post sign.gif]

And some more.......

Funny consumer labels found on packaging:-

On a hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Crisps:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for an iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.


On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

We have a box of wooden matches with good advise to those adverse to people of a youngish age: "Keep away from children".