The third turd

My dogs are really smelly they both need a bath but it is such a big job to bath them both that I have been putting it off. However, I cannot excusably put it off any longer. It's not so much the bathing, although Hugo takes ages to bath properly, it's the cleaning up of the hair after bathing and the drying that is the mammoth task. Then, of course we have to brush them both afterwards as well. Hugo, has this hair that just seems to never go away. You clean it all up and then it's all there again. You wipe your hands and get it all off and then look and it's all back again. Maybe it just reproduces itself out of thin air (of course I know that this cannot be true because nothing can reproduce itself out of thin air but this is honestly how it feels) because it likes the feel of itself.

Do you like the feel of yourself? I don't mean literally, let's not go down that road although I'm sure there are some people that are vair familiar with the feel of themselves, what I mean is, are you comfortable in your skin? Are you happy with the feel of your spiritual fabric and what does it feel like to you? I think that I generally am but, if I'm completely honest sometimes I'm really, really not. Sometimes, I find it hard to live with me, so God knows what other people think. Even when I'm hard to live with I still like me though. I am my own best friend. I know myself vair well. There isn't a corner of me I haven't looked in or a grain of me I haven't looked under. It has been vair scary and sometimes I have run away, oh yes, but, I have made myself go back and stand and face the music. It is good to know the worst of the worst about yourself and be able to accept it. I find that I am not scared of me anymore not even when I'm being vair vair scary indeed.

I was listening to a friend the other day talk about her kids and she was talking about them as if they were her possessions. It made me think about mine......I don't think my kids are mine - I mean, I know I had them and all, I felt them grow inside me but I don't think they belong to me. I think they came through me and that they are of me but I think they only belong to themselves. I think they have their own purpose and that it is just my job to guide and protect them whilst they figure out their reason for being here. It's not for me to make decisions for them or push them one way or another, I somehow feel this would be a way of me trying to live through my kids and not trusting that they are capable and deserving of being themselves. Lots of people will disagree with me I know, coz there are those that will consider me irresponsible and say that kids don't know anything and we have to tell them everything. I don't think so. I think they know lots and lots and we have to patiently let them figure things out and support them whilst they do. That way they develop into themselves and not little us's.

Anyhoo, why do men have nipples? Did you know that there is an Amazonian tribe where the roles of men and women are reversed. It is absolutely true coz I learned about it during my sociological studying days. The women do all the hunting, farming and fighting and the men do all the domestic chores. The women do the child-bearing of course and breast feed them, but the men do their share of nursing i.e. when the women are away doing what they do, the men let the babies suck their nipples for comfort just like a dummy I think that this is outrageously fab and I often chuckle to myself imagining men of the westernised world doing the same thing - or not which would defo be the case. I don't know one man, liberated and in touch with their feminine side as they may be, who would offer their nipple to their offspring for comfort.

Can a male gynaecologist ever switch off from being a man first? I don't think so. Men are men. Their first instinct is to shag. I don't think that men should be gynaecologists coz they have never had a womans body, they don't understand a womans body, they can't understand the feelings that a woman has about her body and they wouldn't know what it feels like when a woman knows that something is wrong with her body. They defo shouldn't be allowed to touch womens bodies intimately, no let me re-phrase that, extremely, detailedly, closer than close intimately. And they should not be allowed to do this simply because they are men. Having the title of Dr in front of your name does not make you incapable of sexual arousal when you have a woman lie semi naked in front of you with her thighs spread open at your request. Let's be honest, women are not all created equally, some women are somewhat more attractive than others. I simply refuse to believe that a male gynaecologist cannot help but give a little smile to himself when an attractive woman walks into his consulting room for a consultation. I also refuse to believe to accept that there are not a fair amount of smutty comments made behind closed doors between gynaecologists about the above. Men are men first. Rest assured none of them will be given the opportunity of making smutty comments about my fanny anny coz they won't be getting the chance to ave a look at it.

I don't like jam with bits in. I defo do not like raspberry jam unless it has the seeds taken out, I do like seedless raspberry jam, which, in my experience, you can't get in NZ I don't like strawberry jam with big bits of strawberry in and I don't like blackberry jam with blackberries in, you get the picture. I feel the same way about yoghurt (they say yoegut here like in USA but I refuse to) I quite like marmalade though, but this is a recent development in the taste bud area. Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever suddenly liked things that you've never liked before? I have been told that this is because our taste buds change every 7 years. I don't know if this is true but I would like to believe that it is coz that means that I'm gonna get to taste all sorts of things in my life. Cool! Apparently, it's not just our taste buds that change, it's everything. Our metabolism, our skin, our hair, the way our bodies react to things we put in it and on it. Has anyone else heard of this or experienced this? I would be vair interested to know.

Sometimes I think I got misplaced en route to a different world. Sometimes I do not think that I belong here because I seem to be so very different from those around me. I sometimes feel quite lonely but I know that Gary loves me vair vair much. I think that he is the only one that could coz I think that I would really piss most people off. He loves me truly, from his soul, for all that I am. Not many people have a love like that, not many people can love like that. He tells me every night before we sleep and every morning as I lie in his arms, that he thinks I am amazing. I say, 'You think I'm amazing because you love me' and he says 'No, I love you because you are amazing' and I smile a silent smile and my soul sings.

I'm not amazing, by the way, I'm weird. Gaz is biased. I am vair grateful that he found me though coz I would have otherwise spent a lifetime wandering a wasteland of being unamazing to anyone at all.