The mourning process in NZ
Hey guys,
Just had an interesting insight this week with the grieving/mourning process in NZ.
A little background before I get into it, is that I started playing rugby a few months ago, and had learned a lot about how important it is in the community and such. And the guys have been really cool, and don't mind that I haven't played before.
Well, to cut a long story short, one of our players was in a car accident late Saturday night and passed away. He was only 21. And quite possibly the best player on our team. He could play anywhere, and really gave it his all, all the time. He lived his life like that as well, living each day as his last.
Anyway, we went over Sunday to his parents place after we had learned of it.
And we went over again on Wednesday. They had him there in the lounge, with lots of gifts and momentos in his casket with him.
Back home (in the US) I've never heard of having a loved one back home in the house for a few days before the funeral. To be honest, it was a little bit of a shock....but not in a bad way at all.
I saw his sisters, brother, girlfriend, and some of his best mates either holding has hand, rubbing his cheeks, or stroking his hair. Which also would have been unheard of back home.....The mood changed outside of the house, as in the back yard there was a bit of a party celebrating his life, telling stories, etc.
It made me think, this kind of a burial process can be a lot more healing, instead of just rushing them off to a funeral home and then burying/cremating them.
My boss (who's Maori, and a rugby player...and very supportive this week) was telling me how for the islanders, funerals are a good excuse for a family reunion/party. Generally having the loved one back at the home is something islanders do, however it can also be done for a white NZ'er who was lost when they were young (as in BJ's case).
We had the formal funeral earlier today, and pretty much the whole team was there. After tomorrow's game we'll have spent 4 days in a row together.
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Hope that all made sense. I had an idea of what I was going to write, but in the end I just put my fingers to the keyboard and started typing away. It's not as structured as I would have liked, but hopefully it made sense.
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