Hi Vin,
to MoveToNZ.
My sympathy with the middle daughter issue. If often works out that it's daughters that rebel against the move more than boys. I wonder if they're more set in their ways, dedicated to their friends or just lacking in adventure spirit.
I guess there's no easy solution to the problem, but I'm sure trying to force her into going will only make her dig her heels in more firmly. If there was someone you could consider leaving her with in the UK (preferably someone she's not too keen on but who's willing to play along), you could continue discussing your plans without her in the frame, although (big gamble here
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) perhaps being left out of the discussions might just be enough to bring her round to thinking about going too. If she could see that everyone else was getting excited about the move, yet there was no pressure on her, she may wonder if she's doing the right thing by wanting to stay behind. It's a very long shot indeed, but sometimes it works. A sort of reverse psychology thing.
Meanwhile, take a look at this
previous thread which contains several links that explain about pensions between UK and NZ.
Usually if you're in NZ long term i.e. more than a year and on some sort of work visa, you would be eligible for school fees at domestic rates rather than international, but, as Dawn says, this doesn't apply to tertiary education unfortunately.
Good luck with it all. You sound like you need it and congratulations on the job offer.