[nickydwuk]

Oh Shell - really sorry about your grandmother, my thoughts are with you and your mum .

What a dilemma I have no answer only that this is one of the situations that is causing my OH think long & hard before he says 'yes' to the move.

One way of looking at this is - what would you do if this had happened in 2 years time when you were settled in NZ? Would you move back to be with your mum, stay in NZ and support from a distance (after visiting of course) or invite her over with you? I think many who have made the move or thinking about it have been in or are thinking about the same kind of situation. Maybe they can give better support & advice than I can.

Is it possible for you to put your NZ plans on hold for a couple of years just to help & support your mum? This might help all parties.

Best of luck inwhatever decision you make - I'm sure it will be the right one for you.