Moving so far can be a scary proposition, especially for the minimally adventuresome (I'm a member) . I think it would help if he could talk to you regularly about what he's feeling in this regard instead of hitting you with a small bomb. It's not too late to talk about it in small doses. - And to talk about how you're feeling.
I don't know how important it is to you to move to NZ, but it isn't unreasonable to ponder if it's more important than staying with your husband. Keep in mind that divorce/separation isn't just for people who can't stand each other any more. Sometimes paths diverge sufficiently that one or both are hindered by trying to walk hand-in-hand. With your nursing skills, you could go over on your own and give it a whirl.
Best wishes for a satisfactory resolution, and many hugs.
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If men had wings and bore black feathers, few of them would be clever enough to be crows.
- Rev. Henry Ward Beecher, mid-1800s
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