[MotherBear]

No apologies needed, Lou. No one can say it's an easy thing to do. Unless you can take a deep breath (very deep in your case) and summon up the courage to spit it all out in the oner, you'll be forever teetering on the brink of telling her, but never getting round to it.. I think I'd have put her straight when she stated that you'd encouraged her to move nearer you.

Perhaps you need to mentally prepare yourselves that you are convinced you're doing the right thing and just go for it. Whether she's hurt today, tomorrow or next week, it's never going to get any easier. The longer you put it off, I guess the less time you have to listen to her harping on about it before you actually go. But, then you have the anxiety continually hanging over you and marring what should be an exciting and thrilling adventure.

I lived in fear of my mother, too, but somehow managed to finally find my voice and came to terms with putting my own opinions forward instead of living in the shadow of hers. It's a great feeling when you find you're on an equal footing at last. Makes you feel all grown up.

Have you told other people i.e. people who may tell others who may, in the end, talk to your mum about it, thinking she already knows? Perhaps it would be better to grab the bull by the horns and blurt it out to her before someone else does the job for you. Doubt she'd be very pleased hearing it from a third party and being made to look like she's the last one to find out.

I really feel for you, but the only way forward is to face it and get it out of the way. You can all set about trying to deal with it then. Are there any carrots you can dangle in front of her, like visits to see you (or is that tempting fate)?