Hi Shell,
Yes, it does sound like your mum is worried about being alone in an emergency. The saddest thing about emigrating is leaving the family, even harder in your case where the immediate family is few. She does seem the independent type though if you only visit her once a year anyhow ... I'm sure she will come round and hopefully realise that if you and your son are happy then she should be.
I put together a reply to Dawn's earlier post, but I fear it will appear to be hijacking your thread a bit. I feel a bit awkward pasting it on here now after your update. It may be of some interest to someone else reading this thread and going through similar problems.
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I disagree with MB on some things here. I don't agree with carrot dangling especially just to make people feel better. Mean what you say and say what you mean or it could come back to haunt you. Be honest. It's always the hardest thing to do because for some reason a lot of people have a problem dealing with it, it's as if they'd prefer a coloured, pretend version of things so that they don't have to face the reality. But by giving them what they want you make it more difficult for them in the long run and you're not being true to yourself.
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Ooooh, it is such a tricky subject.
I don't think Mother Bear, or I for that matter, were suggesting anyone should trick their parents by 'dangling a carrot' - most parents are not so stupid as to have the wool pulled over their eyes by their own kids (unfortunately
.). The fact is that you are going to a new country to start a new life and you may love it here like a pig in muck, be first in line for citizenship, and never want to set foot again on the country of birth. Then again, it might not work out for you - you may dislike the place straight away or after the 'honeymoon', find yourself financially struggling, or surprisingly homesick. Nothing is set in stone ... whether you like it or not, your feelings and experiences in NZ during the first few months will determine whether you stay or not, you will go through a 'trial' period.
Moving home/emigrating is a bit like getting married. You expect it to be for life, or the long term at least. It is important to have the optimism and certainty that that will be the case ... I certainly had it when we moved here, and am just as set to stay here.
However, looking at the bigger picture, some people do find things not as they would wish, do go 'home', and do accept their move to NZ as an adventure at best or an financial disaster at worst.
Accepting it could all go pear-shaped is not what anyone wants to consider when emigrating (certainly spoils the high!), but it could happen and admitting that to parents who probably think you are making a big mistake anyhow is acknowledging, if not acting on, their feelings. It also leaves the door open for you to come 'back to the fold' - comforting for them (and maybe you).
Our experience with the father-in-law was more extreme than most. The facts and photos of how much better NZ would be for the kids fell on deaf ears. Knowing how important our family was to him, we eagerly discussed the subjects of regular phone calls, bringing him to visit us in NZ, and us visiting him in the UK .... but it was all met with disapproval. As far as he was concerned, it was not going to happen. He made life hell for us - took legal action against us saying he gave us hundreds of thousands of pounds (he was a farm stockman and never ever had that sort of money), that he had various oral agreements with us, etc. and he managed to get an order preventing us selling our house until this legal action has been sorted out. It was all total fabrication, and he obviously could not give any proof, but he did not care - he was counting on us giving up our dreams before it went to Court. He refused to turn up to the first two Hearings saying he was not well. His solicitors dumped him when he refused to pay his then 27,000 pound bill; they send the baliffs round and we said we would pay the baliffs off if he dropped his case and let us sell the house, he said he would, then said afterwards 'sod off'. He didn't even stop there - he told everyone how evil we were, said we beat the children and that he was going to social services to get them taken away from us. He even dyed his grey hair so he could look younger for adopting them. All through this we were amazingly calm and understanding - he would ignore me so it was useless me talking to him and anytime my husband spoke to him he would ring up his doctor for an appointment saying we were making him ill, so we had to just leave it to solicitors. At the end, though, he was even telling people we were planning to kill him - I was terrified we would be arrested and the kids taken away.
On the day we left the UK, he tearfully hugged us all, gave the kids little 'heirlooms' and waved us off as if none of the horrible things before had ever happened. I don't know, however, how much of a coincidence it was that after one very happy month here in NZ, my husband happened to go back to the UK to sort things out, have a breakdown and decide to stay there with his father.
As I said, this is an extreme example of a parent refusing to 'let go'. I think very few people indeed would have an experience similar to this. The worst I have heard is where the mother would work herself up into anxiety attacks before and after the move, precipitating a move 'back home'.
Feel I am rambling on a bit now ... but I do wonder if we had said that we would have a trial period in NZ, see if we liked it, whether he could have accepted that better than what he saw as our complete rejection of him and the UK.
Isn't life
fun? 