I disagree with MB on some things here. I don't agree with carrot dangling especially just to make people feel better. Mean what you say and say what you mean or it could come back to haunt you. Be honest. It's always the hardest thing to do because for some reason a lot of people have a problem dealing with it, it's as if they'd prefer a coloured, pretend version of things so that they don't have to face the reality. But by giving them what they want you make it more difficult for them in the long run and you're not being true to yourself. It's you who wakes up with yourself every morning isn't it. If you're honest, and it's always hard for everyone when you are, at least they will know you tell it like it is, with nothing kept back and they will come to realise (even if it is too late) that no matter how it made them feel at the time, you had enough respect and sensitivity for their feelings not to lead them up the garden path.
I don't agree with throwing accusations about either. It's futile. The key here is that everyone is emotionally upset. Everyone is dealing with these emotions in their personal way. No one likes change. Especially when they're forced into it. It's frightening and threatening, it means uncertainty. It's like throwing a pebble into a pond isn't it, the ripples stretch far from the point of impact. Most people like the same things to happen day to day so that they don't have to question themselves about anything. You're moving away raises many questions for the people close to you and the upset they are feeling may not even be about you, maybe your action has acted like a catalyst for them to address things they should have done before now and they, sub-consciously, are using your 'news' as an easy way out to blame someone else for the uneasiness they are feeling. If they want to call you names or make accusations against you, stand back and let them get on with it or smile at them and say 'I'm going to ignore what you just said because I know in my heart that you don't mean it and that when you've had time to really deal with things you will regret having said it too.' Be empathic, tender and considerate. Then go home and hug your son and have a cry and know that you have acted with the utmost decency.
I don't think it's that they are trying to hurt you even if they set about to do just that. They are desparate and desparate people resort to desparate measures. You must know that ultimately they are behaving in this way because they love you. It's just that people aren't very good at loving others unconditionally. Love makes people selfish because they are so scared of being without it. Remind your mum of how it felt when she held you for the first time. If she was anything like me I bet she was thinking that this tiny being that had grown inside her was the most beautiful and miraculous thing she had ever seen. I bet she looked at you and wanted to give you the world, the moon and the stars. Well now she can. By letting you go. It's the culmination of all her love for you. If you handle this sensitively and be strong for her, it could just make your relationship deeper.
She's angry because she's scared. So is your brother, he just either doesn't realise it or isn't owning up to it. Be honest, be kind and be strong. Be able to leave for NZ with your dignity in tact. It's the only way.
