I was just remembering when I first went to live abroad and had to tell my mother. I chatted about this and that to do with the move, about how I would have to put my furniture into storage and all sorts of stuff. I thought she took it really well as there was none of the backlash I'd expected. That in itself should have been a warning.
It was only a few weeks before I was leaving and I said something about renting my house out. My mum asked why I would need to rent the house out if I was only going for 2 weeks' holiday. Clang! The penny (or cent in your case) dropped and I realised why she'd been so calm about it. She thought I was only going for a holiday. She must have totally switched off when I was talking about all the other matters I was having to deal with before going to LIVE abroad.
My mum wasn't in the best of health, suffering from breathing problems, and then came the 'But how will I manage on my own?' Up till then I'd only see her for about 15 mins. a week, if that, but she just wanted to know that I'd be there for her IF she needed me. It was hard, but I felt that I had a lot at stake (Shell, there was a man involved - my now husband
). If I hadn't gone through with my plans and had waited around in case my mother might need me, I would probably never have got married again and seen the exciting and interesting countries that I have. Doubt I'd have found such a good man again either.
When I was a little girl I always promised myself that, one day, I'd get to live in a nice warm country with palm trees, sea and a bit of desert thrown in (always been very drawn to the desert) and this was the chance of a lifetime with a lovely guy thrown in to boot. I was lucky in that I had the support of my mother's close friends and, as I'm an only child, I didn't have any sibling pressure to worry about.
I could easily have stayed home with my mum and been there 'just in case'. As it happened she plodded on for many years after I left and I've never regretted my decision to go. True, I left 2 grown-up sons behind, but one is now entrenched abroad himself, as you know, and the other one has visited us in 2 of the countries we've lived in and is about to visit again in this one in August (of all times
). They never made me feel bad about going so I was lucky there, too.
I wish I could wave a magic wand to make things much easier for you, but I'm afraid it's one of those times when you need to be strong because there's a lot riding on it. If you can only put things in place where your family can still keep in close contact with you, perhaps they won't feel quite so bad. They probably feel that, once you're down in NZ, that'll be it and they won't see you or speak to you again. It may not be until you get to NZ and they see for themselves how easy it is to keep in touch, that they will feel more kindly towards you. Perhaps you need to write something down that you want to say to your mother and muck about with it until you're happy with it. It might help you to focus your thoughts and plan ahead what you want to say to her.
Have you got any other brothers or sisters apart from this one brother? I'm wondering if he's worried he'll have to look after your mother when she can't take care of herself any more. Just a thought. It's also very probable that your family will miss your little son badly as well, so that needs careful handling. It's such a complex situation, yet you do need to do what you feel is best for you both, or you'll only live to regret it. You might not get a second chance.
I hope some others will come on and tell you how they coped or are coping with a very common problem, which would be good as a problem shared is a problem halved. Well, that's what they say, anyway.
