OK, my first one didn't go down too well so I'll try again.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam".
Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said,'no, the steaks are too high.'
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with nuts & hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
Two fish are in a tank
One says to the other, "I'll man the guns, you drive"